Concept Red Vs. Blue Remake Script - This One Goes To 11
BLACK
SHELLY: (voice over) Alarm, security breach, level Alpha. All personnel report for duty. This is not a drill.
-FADE TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - STOREROOM - DAY
We see Agents WASHINGTON, COLORADO and SARGE in alertness running from the META ARMOR!O'Malley, and CABOOSE in a control room overlooking the action.
WASH: Run!
SARGE: Oh, shit! Where is he?!
WASH: I won't let you die!
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - CONTROL ROOM - SAME
In the control room, Caboose is trying to reason with Sheila's F.I.L.S.S. sister SHELLY.
CABOOSE: (frightened) Shelly, we have to help them!
SHELLY: Help who?
CABOOSE: Our friends! O'Malley is attacking them, we have to stop him!
SHELLY: Stop the Omega AI fragment named O'Malley in the Meta Armor? Oh no, absolutely not. We should never interfere with an ongoing battlefield simulation test. Our job is to observe and document.
CABOOSE: (desperately) But he'll kill them!
SHELLY: (cheerfully) Oh, that would be wonderful! What a successful test!
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - STOREROOM - SAME
On the loading bay deck; Colorado, Sarge and Wash are running as they await Grif and Maine trying to rescue them.
SARGE: We need to keep moving, Freelancers! Come on, double-time. Hell, I'd settle for single-time!
WASH: (nervously) Maybe we should just fight. I'm afraid he's gonna start picking us off one by-
Suddenly, O'Malley punches right through the wall and grabs him by his throat.
WASH: - one!
O'Malley then pulls him forward, slamming his face into the wall, then steps back and kicks it away, sandwiching Wash between the wall and a pile of crates.
Quickly, Colorado raises her katana and charges at O'Malley, but he darts forward, lifts the sword up just before she swings, then punches her in the gut and flings her towards Sarge.
Colorado stumbles forward as she is thrown and her helmet rams right into Sarge's crotch, causing him to squeal in pain.
Suddenly, O'Malley barrels straight into them, crashing through a crate before flinging them into a pile of barrels, sending them scattering across the floor.
Wash emerges from the sandwich and runs for heavy armaments.
WASH: Oh man, forget this. I need to get a bigger weapon. Caboose, help us!
We see Caboose go to the window and call down to the bay from the control room.
CABOOSE: (angrily) How? The computer won't let me. This sister of Sheila's is mean! This place is filled with mean ladies!
WASH: (desperately) Push some buttons, I don't know!
CABOOSE: (joyously) Buttons!? Oh man, I love buttons! Beep bop boop boop beep bop boop boop!
A crate of Rocket Launchers tips over and drops them next to Wash.
WASH: (surprised) Wow. (Discards his battle rifle and picks up a launcher) That actually worked perfectly. Thanks!
CABOOSE: Great! ... How the Hell did I do that?
We then see GRIF with MAINE running into the scene as Wash runs up to them.
SARGE: (off-screen) Yeowch!
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Hey Wash, what the Hell is going on in there?
WASH: Grif, Maine, you gotta help us! Do you know how to use Tucker's sword?
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Tucker's sword? Fuck yeah, I know how to use it. What's to understand about swish-swish-stab? It's a fuckin' sword, Wash, it's not a fighter jet.
WASH: Just you and Grif come and help us!
In the storeroom, as Colorado and Sarge stagger to their feet, O'Malley kicks a barrel towards them.
Sarge quickly ducks down and lets the barrel hit Colorado before getting up and firing his shotgun, but O'Malley rolls forward to avoid the shells.
He then grabs Sarge and Colorado by their throats and smashes their heads together before knocking Colorado away with some punches and kicks.
Sarge opens fire again. but O'Malley knocks his rifle away and begins pounding on him with some powerful punches before knocking him to the floor, holding onto his right leg with one hand then raising her other in a fist.
SARGE: Wait wait wait - !
O'Malley strikes Sarge really, really hard in the groin, then kicks him across the room, right into a crate.
As he struggles to get up, a teleporter falls on him and he flies out the other end just as O'Malley knocks Colorado aside.
O'Malley notices the teleporter.
SARGE: O-ho o-ho...
MAINE: (off screen, with Tucker's voice) Hey, Sweet Cheeks!
O'Malley dodges a plasma grenade that zooms past him.
We cut to Maine, who pulls out Tucker's sword.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Remember me? Step away from the idiot!
O'Malley slowly approaches Maine and the two stand off.
Wash is seen mounting himself atop a crate from afar.
WASH: Oh God, please don't let them see me...
A huge crate falls from a grabber crane between O'Malley and Maine.
CABOOSE: (cheerfully) Yes! I saved Maine or Tucker! (beat, now depressed) Oh wait... I saved Maine...
MAINE: (angrily, with Tucker's voice) Caboose, what are you doing?! You're messing up my plan with O'Malley! I was supposed to distract him for Wash!
O'Malley spins around.
We see Wash loading the rocket launcher.
WASH: (panicking) YOU RATTED ME OUT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Wash fires a rocket out, but O'Malley jumps aside, grabs a teleporter and flings it towards him.
WASH: Oh shit!
Wash fires another rocket but it simply goes through the teleporter and out the exit that is right next to the pile he is standing on!
WASH: (Slow-motion) Oh shiiiiit!
Wash is thrown into the air by the explosion, right into the flying teleporter and out of the other end – straight into O'Malley who grabs him out of the air, flips him over his head and kicks him into Maine, sending them sprawling to the ground.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) That was awesom - ow!
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - CONTROL ROOM - SAME
In the control room, Caboose looks for more buttons to try and override Shelly.
CABOOSE: Um, can we use turrets on him? Or some explodey fiery things?
SHELLY: That would be outside the bounds of my standard safety protocols. I cannot do that.
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - STOREROOM - SAME
Back down in the storeroom loading bay, we find ourselves with Grif, Sarge, Maine, Wash and Colorado.
O'Malley is walking towards them.
They prepare their weapons, while Sarge, who doesn't have one, picks up a cone to defend himself.
SARGE: What do we do, Colorado?!
COLORADO: (concerned) I don't know... I've never really hit such a strong AI armor in my life!
WASH: (nervous) Yeah, we noticed. Try harder!
SARGE: Hah!
O'Malley charges forward, snatches Sarge's shotgun out of Grif's grip, punches Maine aside and kicks Wash into another teleporter.
WASH: OH FUUUUUUUUUUUU - (flies through a few teleporters) - UUUUUCK!!
As he turns towards Sarge, Wash flies out the exit from the previous teleporter and into another teleporter.
He exits the teleporter and knocks right into Sarge, knocking him straight into another kick in the groin.
O'Malley slams Sarge onto the floor with his foot and points his own shotgun right at his head.
SARGE: Ha-how!
WASH: (terrified) Oh no, Sarge!
SARGE: (flinches) Yikes!
O'Malley tries to shoot Sarge in the face with his own shotgun, but it clicks, being out of ammo as Sarge turns in a rage to face Grif who's helping Wash up.
SARGE: (irritated) PRIVATE GRIF, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, YOU SCUMBAG! WE'VE RUN OUT OF AMMO AGAIN! THAT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, MAGGOT!
GRIF: (relieved) Huh. Maybe you should show a little more gratitude for this being the first time my laziness has ever saved your -
O'Malley steps on Sarge's chest.
GRIF: (high-pitched) - life!
SARGE: (high-pitched) Protect me, cone!
Sarge holds the construction cone over his face, and O'Malley golf swings Sarge's own shotgun into his crotch, knocking him quite a distance into both Wash and Grif.
WASH: Watch it!
GRIF: You watch it!
SARGE: (exploding) YOU NUMBNUTS! LET ME SHOW YA HOW IT'S DONE!
O'Malley charges in, punches Sarge in the face and knocks him all the way to Wash and Grif.
GRIF: (sarcastically) Nice demonstration, Sarge.
SARGE: (annoyed) Oh, come off it!
WASH: Hey guys, look up there.
Maine and Colorado finally get up, and see a giant crate looming over the two and O'Malley.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Uhh, what? ... Hey Caboose! Remember when I said not to help us? Forget that! We need you to help us! Right now!
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - CONTROL ROOM - SAME
In the control room, Caboose waits for Shelly's signal.
CABOOSE: What holds up that crate?
SHELLY**:** Mechanical controls are on the left side of the console.
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - STOREROOM - SAME
Back down in the storeroom loading bay, the crate drops and both Maine and Colorado dive out of the way.
O'Malley is seen catching the crate, with the ground visibly cracking under his feet.
MAINE: (overjoyed, in Tucker's voice) I can't believe that worked!
He looks up, and unfortunately, O'Malley is shown lifting the crate overhead.
There are two dents where his hands hit the metal.
COLORADO: ... Oh fuck, that didn't work!
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - CONTROL ROOM - SAME
In the control room, Caboose puts his hand to his palm in frustration.
SHELLY**:** (dismissively) I knew that would not work. AI fragment O'Malley is a bit of a badass.
-CUT TO-
INT. FREELANCER OFFSITE STORAGE FACILITY - STOREROOM - SAME
O'Malley flings the crate at the two Reds and three Freelancers.
GRIF: We gotta get outta here!
WASH: We'll be crushed!
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Don't worry guys, I got this. (takes out sword and swings) SWISH!
Maine splits the crate with Tucker's sword, and the two halves go to either side of the Reds and Freelancers, covering them in medpacks.
SARGE: Ow! We were crushed!
MAINE: (sheepishly, with Tucker's voice) Aw, fuckberries. O'Malley, can you - oh!
O'Malley walks over and casually kicks Maine in the chest.
He keeps walking after the stumbling Maine.
MAINE: (irritated, with Tucker's voice) Alright, you know what, that's it! Come here!
We then see the Reds and other Freelancers emerging.
WASH: Oh thank God, thought you were goners. Sarge, where are you?!
Sarge and Grif pop up out of a pile of medpacks.
SARGE: Here! What happened? You get that feeling of being defeated yet inexplicably rejuvenated, Grif? Or is that just me?
GRIF: Probably you, Sir.
Maine swings Tucker's sword out towards O'Malley, making swishing noises as he does but O'Malley dodges each swing and strikes Maine's exposed parts.
As Maine thrusts the sword out, O'Malley grabs his arm, twists it behind his back, and then kicks him across the room, disarming him of Tucker's sword in the process.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Swish-fuck! Swoosh-fah! Ah, stab - God dammit! Gah! Oh come on. O-aow, bullshit!
Maine skids across the ground, hit his head on a teleporter, flips over and then tumbles straight through it.
GRIF: (stunned) Whoa, did you see that?!
WASH: (annoyed) How would I have missed that?
Maine emerges from a teleporter into O'Malley's grip.
O'Malley grabs the sword in one hand and his neck in the other, and the sword goes out.
He looks at it.
MAINE: (smugly, with Tucker's voice) What's the matter, O'Malley? You having trouble keeping it up? Don't worry, it happens to everybody. (quickly) Well, not Tucker, but...
A punch marks a transition back to Colorado, Wash, Sarge and Grif.
COLORADO: That rocket launcher's one of the older models, right?
MAINE: (off screen, being beaten up by O'Malley, with Tucker's voice) Ow! Ow! Ahow!
WASH: Yeah.
SARGE: That means it's got heat seeking!
MAINE: (off screen with Tucker's voice, still being hit) I didn't know that was there!
COLORADO: Now lock on and let her rip!
WASH: Oh right, I forgot about that.
MAINE: (off screen, with Tucker's voice) Ow, holy crap, you cannot do this, you son of a -
Maine flies through a teleporter, emerging completely white again.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) - biiiiiiiiiiiitch!!! (looks down and growls in frustration) Damn it, I hate this white stuff, what the Hell is it?!?!
GRIF: (points at Maine) There he is!
MAINE: (looks up, with Tucker's voice) Huh?
SARGE: Let's get him!
WASH: Wait, guys...
Sarge and Grif start beating up Maine, but Grif quickly loses steam.
MAINE: (now being beaten by the Reds, with Tucker's voice) Ow, come on! I'm not O'Malley, I'm a Freelancer! I'm not the one you're fighting! Leave me the fuck alone!
GRIF: (tired) Kicking's hard.
Sarge gets Maine in a headlock and punches the top of his head a bunch.
MAINE: (muffled, with Tucker's voice) Why are you hitting me, I'm not O'Malley!
WASH: Sarge, hold on, hold on!
SARGE: Hm?!
COLORADO: I think that's Maine, not O'Malley.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) See, I told you!
Sarge punches Maine once more, and releases him.
Maine moves away from Sarge.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Ow, you fucker! Why'd you do that?
SARGE: Meh, force o' habit.
COLORADO: Sorry about all this, Maine.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Man, those Reds are n-ah-!
Maine, staggering backwards, slips on a medpack and into Grif.
GRIF: Hey, watch it - whoa -
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa - !
GRIF: Don't fall in the -
They end up leaning against each other on either end of a teleporter on the ground.
O'Malley looks at it from the adjoining teleporter.
GRIF: Hold still, hold still, I can see him. He's right over there by the other -
O'Malley pokes his head through the teleporter and emerges beneath Tucker and Grif.
GRIF: Uh oh.
MAINE: (whispering, with Tucker's voice) Grif, I see him.
O'Malley punches Grif this time in the crotch.
GRIF: (miserably) What is your problem with me or Sarge's balls?!
He falls into the teleporter, leaving Maine off-balance.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Whoa, who-whoa, hawhoa! Aw crap.
Maine falls through the teleporter and backs into O'Malley, who flips him and slams him backwards into the ground, ending up on his back too.
He quickly recovers, goes for the mount and starts punching him.
Maine immediately tries to block his punches by putting his arms over his face and starts saying romantic things.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) O-ho, wow, right into the mount, huh? O-hoa, not even gonna buy dinner? Come on, I like your style!
Wash tries to position himself to fire at O'Malley.
Maine is still being punched.
SARGE: Wash, what the fuck are you waiting for?!
WASH: (frightened) They look the same! Which one do I shoot?!
MAINE: (from afar with Tucker's voice, furious) Ow! Shoot the one who's winning, dumbasses!
GRIF: Ow!!!
Grif, cradling his balls, staggers into the line of fire.
WASH: Grif! Watch it!
GRIF: (weakly groaning) Uh-huh-huh!!!
O'Malley kicks Maine forward, knocking him into Grif before grabbing his leg, pulling him back and punching him to the ground so hard that the white fire retardant foam flies off his armor as he bounces back towards Colorado, Sarge and Wash.
MAINE: (with Tucker's voice) Ahoww, ow!
COLORADO: Wow, knocked the extra white right off ya!
MAINE: (groaning in pain with Tucker's voice, getting up) That's quite racist!
SARGE: You're all clear, Agent Washington, now shoot him!
WASH: Fire in the hole!
Wash fires at O'Malley, who takes off and leaps into a teleporter, flipping out the other side and then running straight towards Maine, Colorado, Sarge and Grif; the missile still on her tail.
MAINE: (in disbelief, with Tucker's voice) Are you fucking kidding me?! RUN!!!
Maine bumps into Sarge, Colorado and Wash.
Then, O'Malley runs up and knocks all four of them down with a single punch before sliding right under Grif's legs.
Grif looks up and spots the missile moving right towards him.
GRIF: Oh God, not like this!
The missile passes through his legs.
GRIF: (relieved) Oh thank God. I thought we were -
Grif turns around, just as O'Malley leaps into a second teleporter on the floor and the missile flies past him and towards a pile of propane tanks.
GRIF: (in slow motion) - FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED!
Everyone tries to run.
Grif crashes into Wash in his haste to get away.
WASH: (in slow motion) GRRRIIIIIIFFFFF!
As the missile hits, the tanks ignite and jet towards Maine, Colorado, Wash, Sarge and Grif like mini-rockets.
Sarge is sent flying by a tank that hits him in the butt while the others are knocked into the air by the tanks' explosions.
Meanwhile O'Malley rolls out the other side of the teleporter and watches as Maine, Colorado, Grif and Wash come crashing down to the ground.
O'Malley then casually approaches a cement barricade and carefully pushes it forward until he can't anymore.
Then he takes a step forward to turn it a few more inches.
He then waits as Sarge finally comes crashing down on top of it crotch-first.
SARGE: Ooaaah!
O'Malley walks away.
SARGE: (strained) Why won't you just kill me, you piece of computer shit?!
CHURCH: Hey O'Malley!
As Sarge slides off the barrier to the floor, O'Malley turns and starts towards the others... but then a MONITOR bounces off the side of his head.
He turns in its direction… to see a certain cobalt-blue soldier and a black Freelancer soldier standing in the doorway, holding a sniper rifle in Church's hands and an assault rifle in TEX'S hands.
TEX: (smugly) How 'bout you pick on somebody your own size?
-FADE OUT-
BLACK
Roll end credits.