I feel heartbroken
I’m 11 months postpartum and I feel like I’ve completely lost my connection with my husband.
Postpartum has been really difficult and isolating for me. I’ve been breastfeeding, and for a long time we were co-sleeping, which meant I felt “stuck” at home every evening while my husband would go out and see his friends. I built up a lot of resentment around that, and I still feel it. He knows this.
Now, whenever he goes out, I react—I get upset, give him attitude, or make him feel guilty in some way. I’m aware that it’s not the best way to handle things, but I can’t seem to stop feeling this way. He goes out at least once a week, either to a friend’s place or for drinks with coworkers. Meanwhile, I don’t have that same outlet. Even though we’ve stopped co-sleeping, I often don’t have the energy to go out, or I feel anxious about leaving my baby. The few times I have gone out, I’ve been glued to my phone, constantly checking the baby monitor.
On top of that, my husband and I haven’t gone on a date since I gave birth. Our evenings at home feel disconnected—we’re either on our phones or watching something, with very little real interaction. I’ve brought this up several times, but he either denies that we lack quality time or says it’s just not possible to go on dates because we don’t have enough support.
This postpartum period has been really heavy for me. I’ve been feeling very negative, and honestly, I think I’ve been dealing with depression. I’ve also struggled with an eating disorder that has worsened during this time. I know people suggest getting help—I’ve tried therapy, and I’m not open to medication—but I still feel stuck.
I’ve asked my husband many times to plan a day date for us, but it hasn’t happened. That’s made me feel like he doesn’t want to spend time with me, which hurts.
Over the past few days, I’ve been especially low. Part of it is knowing his schedule—he’s been going out multiple times this week and will also be traveling soon, followed by going out again. It just made me feel even more alone.
Today, he left the house without saying bye while I was putting our baby to sleep. When I called him, we ended up fighting and he said: “I left because didn’t want to talk to you. You’ve been giving me attitude for the past few days. […] Why would I want to spend time with you if you’re always negative, moody, down, unhappy, and nagging? It brings me down. You want to spend time with me because I bring you peace—but you don’t bring me peace. I feel like I’m raising two kids.” He also always says that I like acting like I’m the victim.
That completely broke me. I feel deeply hurt, rejected, and incredibly alone.
I’m just looking for advice. Thank you
Edited to add: he is helpful and involved with my baby (Feeding, bathing, putting to sleep, waking up at night).