The secret is out where to from here
Innocent family tree DNA test, nek minute here I am another shocked surprised NPE member. Like most on here I had no idea that there was a name for it and there was so many of us. I don’t know why I guess, I didn’t even think about it before. God I’ve watched the shows find my family on tv and cried with them, maybe my subconscious knew. Anyway I went straight into overdrive and didn’t even look to see if communities like this were around. I went into denial and got another test this time Ancestry which came up with much closer matches like half sister, uncle, niece and cousins all from the one family it turned out after research, so it was undeniable.
I went to my mum 87yo to early thinking I was going to get all the facts before I’d done the research myself. Wrong move. As I say I didn’t have all this knowledge on here until now. Anyway She had a melt down, then after that she denied at first then gave me a name (the wrong name) it turned out, then denied again, then blamed me for bringing it all up and ruining her life. This was over a few days back in the week I got my results. Her reaction made me worried that maybe it was something sinister or awful but then I did get one more thing out of her before she clammed up, that it was a one night thing while she was engaged just sex. This also turned out to be BS it was more than once so I don’t know if she even knows the truth herself.
This was all 6 months ago and we haven’t spoken of it since. I see her most days and it’s like it has never happened we talk about stuff but nothing involving this.
I have been lucky to find out all my information without her help and I’m in contact with two of my 4 half sisters. My bio father has passed in his mid 70s I’ve been able to do all this thru ancestry and social media. My half sisters have been wonderful as we keep finding similar traits. Life was difficult for them so I feel blessed my life went as it did and mum married my father ( rip) that brought me up. My mum has no idea of any of this or that the name she gave me wasn’t the right one anyway. (It was His brother) I keep on thinking I will try with her again one day but most people that know this secret say not to bother but meanwhile our once close relationship is suffering as I have started to resent her selfish attitude; not the act itself or the lying that’s just life and youth; just not being able to put it all aside and talk about it all now that’s what hurts.
I keep on thinking is she going to bring it up when we are together but no I think it’s all gone back in that deep dark place in her brain where it sat for 68 years. Oh well that’s her loss she would have a lot more goss to talk about if she knew, she would have loved all this if it was happening to someone else I bet. I just thought I would pass on my story to show you how not to do it although, Is there a good way to go through this ?
I just hope you find one x