Just need to vent a little. Can't sleep.
Its 1am on the east coast and I've been having symptoms all night. Thought maybe if I jot my thoughts down it might help calm me.
I've had GAD for 7 years now. Started on Lexapro but recently switched to Zoloft, as the Lexapro no longer felt effective. I take Xanax on an as needed basis.
I had open heart surgery at infancy - so you know the health anxiety is through the roof.
I guess what I want to share is the strange shift I'm having in physical symptoms.
Typically chest pressure, restlessness, tremors and cold sweat. I never had an elevated heart rate during anxiety or panic attacks, until the last 2 months.
Especially in the early morning - like 4 to 5am. Either a bad dream wakes me up or my dog and within seconds my heart rate goes up and I'm getting shivers too.
Now its also happening during the day and its just so hard to function.
I walked outside to toss recyclables, I go back in the house and BAM heart is racing and I go into the bedroom and start box breathing. It subsides within 15 - 20 minutes. Then I just feel fatigued.
I have a heart condition so you can imagine where my thoughts start going.
I see my cardiologist every 6 months. Last year I noticed an increase in palpitations and mentioned it - I went home with a holter monitor - and nothing of concern showed up in the data.
I see him this Monday. And you bet I'm going to ask for another holter monitor.
Its just so frustrating. I go to the gym, I eat a high protein diet, I walk my dogs every day. I'm 41 and trying to do everything right for my body and mind.
Though a few months ago I had an incident at the gym - my heart rate just would not go down. I ended up at the hospital - all tests were fine. Normal EKG. Normal troponin level. Cool. I had a panic attack at the gym in front of everyone.
I'm sure being in perimenopause doesn't help things right now either.
All the 'what ifs' come pouring into my mind - I must have AFib, maybe its my thyroid, is it serotonin syndrome?
And sleep? Forget it. I feel like I'm developing insomnia now.
It's like there's no light at the end of the tunnel.
You get a handle on your anxiety and start feeling like yourself again... the meds and the therapy working together to bring balance.
And then a new trauma emerges and it's back to the drawing board.
I don't know if writing this has made me feel better - but at least now I finally feel tired. Going to try to gwt some sleep. Thanks to anyone who read this. Just needed to share thoughts with people who will understand. ❤️