How to cope with not having kids?
I am 22 and I got diagnosed with mcas and pots about a year ago. I had had them for some time but the symptoms didn’t really get bad until a little before I got diagnosed. Anyways, I spend one day of the week doing something enjoyable like seeing friends or going to see family and then I’m exhausted the rest of the week. Not to mention I can eat a total of like 6 foods at the moment and I’m super reactive to medication. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I love kids and I always loved taking care of them like babysitting or tutoring. I don’t know if I’ll ever be healthy enough to be able to have my own kids. Even with fostering I don’t think I can take care of a kid I can barely take care of myself. I also have a boyfriend that I have been dating for years and I know he wants his biological children. I love him so much but I can’t imagine taking that away from him the way it’s been taken away from me. Anytime I seed kids now I start tearing up or will start really crying if I am watching them for too long. My friend is fostering some kids and I love them to death but I hurts my heart anytime I hang out with them. I don’t know how to deal with this. I feel like once I grow up I’ll have no job or a shitty one even though I got a degree. Also I feel like finding someone who would marry someone who is sick and probably can’t have their own children is hard to do. I feel like everything’s gone and I don’t know how to find a fulfilling life. I can’t have a big career, marriage and kids are iffy, my friendships are slowly fading, i can feel the pity radiating from my family, I can’t even volunteer to feel like I’m doing literally anything at all with my life except surviving. This sucks it’s not fair I know I would’ve been an amazing mother someday, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Up until I got sick I was so hardworking and determined and I felt like I was really on a path to get to the life I’ve always wanted… now it was all for nothing. Well I guess not nothing my savings helped a lot for the medical bills but still.