Health anxiety and DPDR
I (23F) am currently battling severe health anxiety while also battling DP/DR and panic attacks. I’m currently panicking as I write this and don’t want to turn to the internet anymore. I’ve unfortunately learned that the hard way.
About 9 years ago when I was a junior in high school, I started developing severe derealization episodes. They were terrifying and everyone around me made me feel like I was going absolutely insane any time I tried to say anything.
I sought out therapy through my school therapists — though they were all college seniors doing internships for the schools disability programs — and found no luck there either. I was spiraling. Granted, if I was 21 about to finish college and a kid said this to me, I would also have no idea what to do.
Finally, my mom believed something truly wrong was going on with me (had a traumatic incident involving CPS) and she put me in art therapy. I finally got diagnosed, things started feeling okay and I started getting my life back.
Fast forward to my first two years of college and I keep having panic attacks so bad that I automatically start thinking my chest pains are symptoms of a heart attack. And that’s where this all started.
I found a new therapist and psychiatrist that I loved, got medicated, and have been working on my mental health ever since. I rarely have DR spells anymore, but I’ve noticed them coming back more recently, all focused around my health anxiety. I could have a dull leg pain, my hands could have pins and needles, I could get a PERIOD CRAMP and think the worse case scenario (blood clots, tumors, lung cancer, heart problems).
Currently, as in right now in this moment, I took a deep breath and noticed my back had this sharp stabbing pain if I inhaled too much. I had to fight the urge to look it up, but failed, and then thought I had a pancoast tumor because the internet said my symptoms SORT OF lined up.
Then I immediately am gone. My flight and fawn kicks in and my nervous system removes myself from my body and I am suddenly dissociating and disoriented again. The only way I can get myself back is to distract myself through mindless scrolling or a TV show as grounding techniques tend to make things worse for my anxiety.
This is only getting more intense now, and while my other generalized anxiety and most of my DP/DR spells have drastically decreased, I am still constantly thinking that I am about to die.
If anyone has any advice for me on how to not panic immediately if I get the teeniest pain in my body, PLEASE share. I’m getting desperate at this point. My panic attack med (propranolol) is not helping me like it used to :(