I found Neville in my darkest moment. Four years later, I'm trying to find my way back. How do you live in the end when it's your child?
In 2021, my son was a perfectly healthy two-year-old. Then one day, out of nowhere, he had his first seizure. A month later, a second one. He was diagnosed with focal epilepsy.
I don't have words for what that period felt like. Watching your child's body do something you can't stop, can’t explain, can't fix, it hollows you out in a way nothing else does. I was desperate for something to hold onto.
That's when I found Neville Goddard. And Florence Scovel Shinn. I came to both of them not from curiosity or spiritual seeking, I came from despair. And something in what they said landed. The idea that consciousness shapes reality. That imagination is the creative power. That the end, felt as real, becomes the bridge.
I believed it. I still do, somewhere underneath everything.
But I haven't been consistent. Life, fear, the ongoing nature of this diagnosis, it's all made the practice feel slippery. And I've also been in a longer process of examining what I believe and why, unlearning some things, re-rooting in others. That's changed how I hold all of this.
Now I want to come back. I want to do the work again. But I'm running into something I can'te quite move through:
My son's healing doesn't feel like a desire. It feels like the desire everything else depends on. Like I can’te to fully step into any vision of peace, abundance, or ease until he's okay. I know, intellectually, that this entanglement might be its own block. But knowing that doesn't dissolve it.
And when I try to visualize, to feel into the end state of him healed, thriving, free, the contrast between that and what I'm living is so loud that my nervouse system kind of... rejects it. It doesn't feel like faith. It feels like pretending.
For those of you who've done this work through something this close to home, how did you actually get there? How do you hold the imagined reality without it feeling like a betrayal of what you're living? What does your scene look like when you're healing someone you love?
I believe. I'm just lost right now. And I'd really love to hear from people who've been here.
Thanks for reading, and thank you in advance for any responses. It means more than you know.