Just need some help to avoid retaking please
My life is truly miserable, I was born into a body that never should’ve lived, I tried to self-abort at 7 months old lol. I’m a genetic, physical and mental disgusting mess, I have BPD alongside a life so colorful and full of CPTSD I could make Steven King blush, alongside a general lifelong apathy and hatred of having to wake up tomorrow. I’m short, horrifically disgusting physically, and have a mental state that makes JRR Tolkien look like a saint.
Weed was truly my only escape, I could feel happy for just a few hours. I’d take 10-20 edibles a day, plus 50-70 hits off vapes a day, which as you can imagine developed CHS in about 4 years. I have lost 36lbs from vomiting constantly and 2 hospital visits, the second one my kidneys were beginning to fail cause I couldn’t keep anything down.
My life is still miserable, I have no money and can’t find a place to live expect for my abusive family, I’ve replaced weed with drinking and have drank about 1.75 L of whiskey in a week + a few bottles of Birddog and white claws hard.
I have a few edibles left plus a few packets still freshly sealed and full, and they’re so tempting right now I just want to feel high again, but I know if I take them I genuinely won’t survive. I would just like some sort of support here, any advice about reintroducing weed? It’s been almost a month since my diagnose (mid April) and idk if I can survive the 90 day period at this rate.
Any sort of advice or insight into reintroduction of weed after being diagnosed I’d greatly appreciate even a second of your time, thank you if you’ve made it this far truly : )