AITA for wanting to have 3 kids and breakup after with my future husband ?
I'm 33F and english is not my first language. I'm engaged to 40M, we being together for 3 years, we live together. I really want to make a Family, he wants it too. I'm wainting to get marriage to get pregnant and he knows it. He said before that he wouldnt mind if I got pregnant before the wedding, but I want to wait. I want to have 3 babies and I wanted to have them pretty affar from another, like 4 to 6 years apart, so I can give each one of them alot of care when they most need to. But I'm 33 years old so I believe I can't have that privelage anymore, we never know when menopause its going to hit us and honastly I dont want to have children 40+, I believe It would be much harder. My fiance would like to have all those babies too, he is the type of man that would give everything to his kids and spoil them rotten.
Well our relationship is going soulth, I'm seeing so much red flags, days passes and more redflags, I'm swimming in it at this point.
So you probably thinking 'break up with him already!' right? But I really want my Family even if its just me and 3 babies. Oh I forgot to tell you we live with my parents. I probably will live with my parents forever and take care of them, like they took care of me. So It would be me, my parentes and 3 babies if I could take his BS that far.
Previous relationship that I got was with a man 5 years older than me, we talked about marriage and kids and he seemed like he really wanted too. 8 year and no ring, just a boyfriend. I got tired of waiting and breakup with him. I stayed for 8 years with him because I really loved him at the time. Man just waste years of a womans life, like is nothing. I could got marriaged in that time and had my kids, but no just lie to me and waste my time.
Now I'm in the dilema of having kids and break up or just break up. I really believe that this if my last chance to have kids. I will be too broke to start a new relationship or too old when I put myself together. In the house would be me and my parentes until they die and I will be all alone. That is a Future that I really dont want to have. My parents are almost both 70 and I have a Family that dont live long. Almost none got to 80 years old. My Family outside the house is really small, I dont have my dad's Family side. My mom's Family side is really really shrinking. less then 5 cousins, and I see only 1, not even xmas I see more than 1. Here where I live the man marries the wifes Family. I just have 1 aunt, who never got married, and alot of uncles, but all married to theirs wifes familys. I've one brother, who hated me since I was born, because I was born, I'm not even jocking. I don't have 1 single photo of me and my bro where he smiles when I'm close to him. It's part of family trauma I got to process in adulthood.
I feel alone and loneliness, making a Family would make me warm again. I'm a sympathetic person and always loved to take care of animals and people, so I believe I would be a great mom, I would learn while pregnant how to raise babies and kids the 'better' way. My parents was the type if anything is wrong we got beat up, but that's not how I gonna raise my kids. I was a doormat, because of people pleasing, but I'm learning year after year to be better.
If you are interest of some of my fiances red flags: when I need to talk about the relationship that we have, he always escalate, I always talk with a low to normal voice (remembre I'm people pleaser so I hate confrotation), he tries to make a discursion and then starts to YELL, like really high yelling, like if yell makes you win or something. It doesnt matter if I stay calm and low voice, he yells and stomps out of the room. This all is very disrespecting in my opnion. Another red flag is he gets really mad with losing games and things like that, he makes a tantrum, yelling, cursing like a sailor, punching table or keyboard. One time he tould me he broke his headset throwing in the floor. I saw him throwing his phone almost every time he looses in to the bed and then one time it kicked off the bed into the floor, small dent on the cellphone. Another redflag is if he is not angry, he is always whining, and literally too, not just talking whining, but all that whining noises too, looks like I'm in a relationship with a 80 year old guy. How work is bad, life is bad, not having time for himself bad, not doing nothing and being bored is bad. Nothing good or positive comes out of his mouth. Just so much bad and negative energy all the time and I hate how much I absorve that and makes me feel bad or anxious or stressed.
I don't want to grown old with a guy like this and I don't want my kids to grown up with this either. But I believe he will spoil they rotten, do and give what ever they want, when they are with him, and I will do my best to teach they right, make they grown up to be good and healthy people. I'm in a country with not many people having kids anymore to one 1 or none, and I really want to be a mom, take care of my babies and having a Family.
AITA for wanting to have 3 kids and breakup after with my future husband ?