guilt and shame remembering my life
today i was going through my camera roll and it started to give me anxiety looking back on my past. im in my mid 20’s and i spent the first few years of my 20’s being a drug addict on and off and being an alcoholic. i struggled with hard drugs like methamphetamine. when i think about my past i get anxiety knowing that i was in such a scary place at one point. i started to think about my mortality and feel like i ruined my life. i am around 5 months clean from alcohol besides 1 night of relapsing in january. and i havent used drugs since last summer. i struggled with my relationship on and off with God during these times too. it took a long time for me to finally get sober. but now i feel fear as if i have done too much and now im going to die because of what i’ve done. i can barely even drink a coffee anymore without going into a spiral of anxiety. im also dealing with some health issues because of the alcoholism and the doctors cant really figure out what is going on with me. i just feel guilt and shame. especially because im still struggling with sins like pornography, and anger etc. so i still havent even been able to let go of all the things keeping me away from God. i feel like a failure and like i messed everything up. even though i see God basically giving me another chance i just feel this deep darkness and unhapiness in my life. im afraid im going to die before i get my life right. i could use some support during this time. thanks for reading. -Adam.