u/TimeChemist2892

Context: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskTheCaribbean/s/St6eDdZSvb

Thank you to everyone who gave advice and input! I spoke to him about it and he was not willing to compromise, and said he will be doing it on his lads holiday. He also said a point that Nigerians are worse ?! (Not sure the relevance of this). I expressed how I felt, and he was adamant it was because I’m white and haven’t been exposed to his culture. I again challenged the sexist view how a man can accept a wine in a relationship but a woman cannot give one… Long story short this then progressed into his views about body count - a woman’s must be low and he wouldn’t date a woman’s if over 6... His was 12?!(Which some of you did predict he’d have further views / insecurity)

A lot of you thought he was Jamaican, but he was 3rd Gen St Lucian, and clearly had resentment towards me being white due to his family’s outlook. Though this confuses me as his last “situationship” was British Indian. I took on everyone’s advice and tried to compromise with him, which didn’t work, and I ultimately ended the relationship, suggesting he take his own thoughts as advice - date a Caribbean girl that apparently “Wouldn’t ask”. He said I was manipulating the situation and was gaslighting him, which I found interesting as a lot of the comments on my previous post were saying he was manipulating me and taking me for a fool… perhaps he was massively projecting his insecurity!

Thank you!

For context - White female (me) and Black Caribbean man (him). We’re in a relationship and he goes to soca / bashment / fete events often. Additionally just local clubs. We had got onto the topic of wining, to which I felt uncomfortable with the idea of my boyfriend catching wines, as I see it as very sexual. He’s catching wines at the Caribbean events, but also just local clubs.

He tells me that if I were to tell him to stop, that I’m restricting his culture, and that a Caribbean girl wouldn’t ask their Caribbean partner what he’s doing at these events or even the topic of wining at all. (Is this true)

I explained my POV, that we’re in a relationship, I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of another woman dancing on him as it’s new to me and I view it as sexual. He said every guy does it whilst in a relationship, and his cousins would find it weird if he suddenly stopped. We got onto the topic of a man / woman giving/catching a whine whilst in a relationship and he said “I can catch a whine but a woman can’t give a whine, it’s two different things.” When challenged on a double standard (in my view) he said “A woman is choosing to give a whine yet a man is simply accepting”. He also said it was only “single girls that give whines, but a guy whether in a relationship or not can catch it”. To me this seems worse?

I tried to say I was uncomfortable with it, but he said I didn’t understand because I’m white and I’m restricting his culture. He’s struggled with his families perception of him because I’m white.

Id love some insight into the culture of wining and how you go about this in a relationship - do you genuinely not ask or do you establish a boundary?