Nitpicky husband? Am I being sensitive?
Hi! Me and my husband have been together for 6 years now and married for one year. Once we got married it is as if my husbands nit pickiness skyrocketed. He claims I am sensitive, but I think it’s a bigger deal and I shouldn’t just deal with it. The nitpickiness includes name calling. He used to call me stupid and ask me “are you stupid?” When I said something he didn’t agree with or thought was wrong. I told him if he kept doing that I’d end things so he stopped.. but he says it in other ways..
once we got married he has to nitpick all actions I do. I make him breakfast, lunch and dinner. I also work but he works a full time job and I’m part time. But if I ever don’t make him breakfast or pack him his lunch he’s frustrated with me and says “that’s your job” because you do nothing all day until work. He always uses my free time against me and says “I do nothing all day” if I don’t do laundry when he thinks I should he uses it against me. If I’ve ever left dishes in the sink on my way to work he says I have no time management skills and am just being lazy. He doesn’t believe I was rushing to get to work.
Other nitpicky comments:
-He says that I don’t close the toothpaste all the way and that’s just lazy.
-He says it Proves how lazy I am because the bathroom cabinet is not closed all the way sometimes (which I think it bounces after closing sometimes).
-That I obviously don’t know how to cook and clean so I make things way worse for him to clean up after I cook. Because I don’t cook and clean at the same time. He usually does dishes only after dinner.
- That I don’t even know how to keep the counters clean while cooking and it’s his pet peeve (he always has to lead a nitpick with “my biggest pet peeve is when you do this”)
-That I do a lot of bot things and things that make no sense that are inefficient and so he’s just telling me so I don’t forget In the future
-That I’m just sensitive and can’t handle him saying one thing to me even though he should be able to tell me because I don’t do things in a way that makes any sense because I’m always a “bot”
- that most things I do have no logic and he’s right most of the time
- That I don’t know how to put away dishes correctly so it makes it way harder for him
The comments below were all in one day:
-That there is no way I can’t notice a tea bag wrapper isn’t put away in the garbage, that makes no sense (he argued with me that I didn’t do it on accident and said I purposely didn’t throw it away cause I do lazy things like that)
- That I’m just lazy and sit on my phone instead of depositing my work check so if he didn’t do anything it would be there for days and never get deposited. That I don’t even have the bank app on my phone and don’t even know my information, he has to do everything for me or Nothing would get done (even though I have the bank app and deposit my own checks most of the time..)
- he’s lectured me probably 5 times about wasting Leftovers but he says I have to eat them and not him bc that’s my job
- I told him he can no longer call me lazy.. his argument was that Most of what I do gives lazy vibes cause I’m doing nothing all day so I should be able to get stuff done right away and not wait around
-That it’s my problem for being offended at his ocd and it shouldn’t be that hard to do it his way
-that if I actually loved him I would change how I did things around the house that I know bug him
Mind you here is what bugs him:
- I open the shower curtain in the wrong direction
- I don’t flush the toilet correct bc I don’t hold it for 2 seconds so I might clog it (he has listens to me flushing and gets mad at me if it sounds “too soft”)
- I fold his socks wrong and hang up his shorts wrong
- I take no accountability bc I won’t admit I don’t throw away a wrapper on purpose because he won’t believe it’s being forgetful
- I push the bed sheets down when I sleep and it bugs him
- I hang his towel up on the wrong rack bc the other dries better I guess?
- I pee in the wrong position (just lean forward cause it makes my injured back feel better lol)
- I take my clothes off wrong bc they are inside out sometimes when I take them off (this had been a fight for a few years)
- he always comments on something I’m cooking rather than being appreciate (he says “this would’ve been better with this sauce” or “wow that does not seem like a good combo” or that’s too much avocado” instead of being grateful I make him food)
- I have no right to complain about work or say I’m tired because he works more than me
- that I’m too negative for bringing up a problem at work 3 times and he is tired of hearing it
Basically it feels like anything I do it’s wrong… he makes multiple comments a day and hasn’t gotten better since I get on him so much about his comments
But he said “you shouldn’t be offended by 1 comment a day, that’s way better”
Anyways I want to go to counseling but idk if I’m just being sensitive and maybe I need to not care if he makes a correction or comment. I just always feel gaslit about my feelings by him so I’m confused.