u/Throw_away_please__

I hate being stuck in the middle.

I hate feeling like I’m on the knife’s edge of fully transitioning or just repping as a theymab outside of professional settings.

I hate not being *more* dysphoric, as privileged as that is of a feeling to have, cause I knew if I was I could force myself to do a binary transition.

I hate not having signs as a kid.

I hate the fact that everyone I read online who claims to feel fake like me is infinitely more legitimate the moment they go into detail.

I hate that I latched onto the idea of being trans years ago and I’m still so fucking indecisive.

I hate the idea of being a John 50.

I hate the idea of going through this and coming out of it as a fucked up cis man instead of a transgender woman.

I hate that I *want* to be trans, but might not actually be.

I could’ve been screened for gender incongruence or dysphoria at 10 or 13 and I would’ve been a false negative. Literally everything could’ve gone right for me and I still would’ve fucked it up.