If you happen to read this
don't think you're easy to let go off.
everyday feels like an exhausting fight
because you meant more to me
than you could've ever imagined.
\-
I feel awfully lonely and lost
I really did my best
to understand you
to help you
to be there for you
\-
I reached out
and tried to make you feel more alive
seen
loved
cherished
\-
the way things ended
I don't know what to learn from this
it feels like a punishment
so I'm really angry at myself
to be who I am.
\-
because you not reaching out
is a sign that I didn't mean that much to you
as I hoped I did
\-
and that saddens me
because I truly believed this connection
was mutual and would overcome every distance
if I was too much
if I was too intense
I only meant well
\-
I wanted to give you something special and rare.
genuine love and care.
unconditional
sincere and honest
\-
the attraction I felt too you wasn't something shallow and superficially physical
it was to you as a person in total
the Sum of everything that makes you you.
\-
I still think about you everyday.
not because it's something out of conditioning
But because I genuinely care about you
And worry about you
\-
not because I don't have faith in your strength,
but because I want to make sure you see and acknowledge that power source
Your own drive and inner willpower
that you don't take it for granted
\-
take the win, celebrate the win
You've earned it
make your confidence grow
that you will see yourself more like the way I already perceived you
\-
because to me
You've always been such a special human being
rare
unique
authentic
honest
\-
I just don't know what to say anymore.
of course I smile because of the fact that our pathways did cross in this lifetime
but I can't hideaway all the sadness I feel by having to miss you.
not by choice.
and that hurts.
\-
and that will hurt
Forever.