Help/advice with ADHD female 12 yr old
I don't know what to do anymore. Today we decided as a family to go to the cinema. because of times between films the film we had picked was 2.50pm, we were leaving at 2pm. at 1pm I asked the kids to get their bags and water bottles together. pick from their Easter choc what they were taking. my daughter is 12, ADHD , and my son is 9. 9 year old plays outside while we are waiting to leave. 12 year old goes outside , starts bringing balls into the house to pump up , hasn't touched a ball or the basketball hoop in at least a year, but all of sudden because her brother is playing with it with his friends she doesn't like this fact,. then comes in literally because the wind blew her hair and has trailer out the bobble. now as of late , I've had trouble with her obsessive behaviour over her hair. it's mid length, straight. I put it up in a pony tail , i have to make sure the middle parting is showing and it's not brushed back so the middle is hidden, if you know what I mean. So sometimes it's awkward to get it to sit. I brush it multiple times before I put the bobble round. she goes upstairs. comes down again, bobble trailed out demanding it be done again. this has happened up to 9 times in one morning before school, before today, the minimum 2/3 before she's happy with it. today 30mins before we are due to leave trails her hair out. it was in a pony tail and had two split plaits in it, which takes time to do. I'd already done her hair this morning 6 or 7 times before this. so I proceed to do it, not once, twice but another 5 times. half a can of hair spray, water on it, blow dryer, hairspray brushed out. now it's all white and flaky so at 2.05pm. as we need to leave she decides that she needs to wash her hair. she washed it last night and the night before 🤦♀️ I told her to get out of the bathroom get downstairs get her stuff and get out into the car. she's locked the bathroom door and is in the shower. now my son is missing out on the film and we can't go now because of her behaviour. I understand she's stressed and had anxiety about her hair , I know all this but it doesn't matter what I say or do , nothing and I mean nothing helps. I just keep putting the hair up until she's satisfied with how it looks but this is taking the biscuit now. this child does nothing you tell her , I mean nothing. would argue the sky was black because you said it was blue. but yet it's my fault, the winds fault and apparently now her brother's fault because he told her to go into a bush 🤦♀️, she has never listened to her brother done anything he's asked her , so why now? why now because she can't handle that she is the one with the issue and has to put it on others. all 4 of us are now in crappy form. I've told my husband to take the youngest out and I'll stay at home. i mean I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to fix the issue. do I just let her keep ranting on at me, take it on the chin and do her hair multiple times a day taking the blame. I know it's probably part of the ADHD, she's not medicated. but I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make it better. we never have good days out as a family. I sit in the house most times , feeling bad that others are out doing things and my 2 sit indoors because leaving the house is an issue, being outside is an issue and walking down a street is an issue. she can't control herself and calls names, hit her brother, provokes him, he runs off or stops dead and won't move because of how she's treating him. or will try and make him play tag in shops and he's trying so hard to behave but the kid in him wants to play but it's not an appropriate place. my husband can't ignore the behaviour they are carrying out because he is ADHD and he's getting overwhelmed at their behaviour and then he starts shouting. or my anxiety starts and I try and rein them in before they start getting really bad and my husband reacts which then makes him react even worse because he's reacting to my behaviour. couldn't make it up could you. it's just a pure shitshow and I don't know what to do anymore.