u/The-Greythean-Void

Hello everyone, if this is the wrong place to put this kind of post, I apologize in advance.

So for the past 5-6 years, I've been struggling with OCD, specifically regarding intrusive thoughts about pedophilia, morality, and real events. Somewhere in the middle of that timeframe, I came across anarchism and began to read more about it as a political philosophy to more coherently explain the oppressions that plague humanity in this world and how to possibly undo all those forms of domination and hierarchy.

And then the Epstein files started coming out, and the more I learned, the more disturbed I was. I continually obsess over how to avoid perpetuating rape culture, because as a cis-het white guy in his mid-20s, I'm afraid that the patriarchy is one such axis of oppression that I just took for granted I was against. Not helping matters was that I was a right-wing dipshit who never really saw any problem with the culture, especially so during my teen years, and there are ways I'm still worried that I'm contributing to the problem in the all-too recent past, which has led me to worry that, at best, I will find ways to justify being a hypocrite on this matter and, at worst, I'll eventually develop a seriously fucked up sort of jealousy towards those who get away with preying on children; that is not something to be jealous of, because it is not something to be proud of AT ALL.

I want to make things right. I want to know what justice would look like in this scenario, and if anyone else here has ever struggled with any intrusive thought patterns similar to this.

Thank you for listening.