u/ThatPsychoLady

So my wife grew up here in the 90s. She met me in the PNW, we got married, and now we're here. My family is super toxic and disowned me, so I have nowhere else and nobody else but my wife and kids. Her family doesn't really know me, and sometimes it feels like they don't want to know me. I'm pretty outspoken online and I guess my blunt, upfront attitude doesn't mesh with their *we don't talk about Bruno* attitudes. I think they expect me to be the same in-person, but I never am...so I'm not really sure what the issue is...

Okay I did make a public post that talked bad about their son who got caught with a horse, and they wanted it to be kept quiet and not talked about...lol

Anyways, I was hoping to find other *progressive* or just nice people around Evanston that would want to chat or whatever...we're mixed native rainbow people...so we don't really fit in too well 😅

"What Do Children Learn?

What does a child learn from this? That there is no permanancy in relationships, relationships are not stable. Children learn that they cannot trust that love means forever. Rather they learn that love ends. Children of parents who are polyamorous also learn about the importance of keeping a family secret. Family secrets, oh those skeletons in the closet that children keep, never healthy as they age. Holding onto a secret that is not accepted by society leads to emotional hurt and eventually the child as they age onward, perhaps all the way into young adulthood, they find they are acting out due to the family secret. Children of parents in polyamorous relationships often are urged to keep the secret from friends so no one views the children negatively. Or, if the parents state they can tell people, often the children feel they must keep it a secret because they feel they will not be accepted. Fear of ostracism is a real fear and causes high anxiety."

Do you agree with her assessment?

https://www.drkarenruskin.com/polyamory-not-healthy-for-children/

A few years back I was pretty active in the ace groups on Facebook. I loved the memes and feeling of community, but anytime an ace person talked about issues with a non-ace partner wanting more from them than they were comfortable with, the comments were full of non-ace poly people suggesting opening up their relationship, and ace people in poly relationships glorifying how they could be themselves while letting their partner go out and find someone to fulfill their *other* needs.

Here on Reddit it's the same, ace people are told that if they can't fulfill every desire of their partner, that they should just *add more people*.

And it's the same with *any* relationship outside the queer community too, if you aren't giving someone everything they want, there's something wrong with you, and so you need to accept them doing whatever it is they do to cover for your failings. You're just a consumable product that is easily replaced or discarded. You are never *enough* on your own.

The idea that nobody could ever fulfill someone else's needs completely, is so bizarre and really the pinnacle of capitalist ideals. There are straight monogamous couples married for decades, and bedroom desires isn't at the center of their relationship. But it's expected if you're outside of that dynamic, if you aren't straight, the only other option is absolute degeneracy. Otherwise you're still *somehow* too straight, too hetero for the community.

Anyways, hello! Sorry for the rant.

This is a great example of everything we all talk about here. These are the people who messed up my wife when she first came out.