I don't think I can work much longer
I managed an hour of work today before I had to come home in floods of tears. I don't know how people do this every day without taking a long walk off a short pier tbh.
I've been in the full-time working world for 7 or 8 years. I've always struggled with it, and I know I'm not alone. It's been almost a decade of exhaustion, masking and overwhelm which inevitably leads to such awful burnout that I can't get through a day without melting down. I can't stay at any single job for more than 2 years.
It's started to feel embarrassing. I hate saying to my boss that I've got to leave the office because the cognitive load of different brief locations is causing a meltdown. Or that something went wrong in my morning routine and now I don't know if I'll be able to come in because it's taking so long to regulate.
I've already reduced my working days/hours, am using gov services available in my country (Access to Work, mental health workplace support) and got everything I could in place to make things easier. But it doesn't feel easier.
I feel like every time I'm on this cycle, it gets shorter. The gap between recovery and burnout is closing, things that I used to be able to cope with are triggering me at lightning speed. I'd never had to go home because of anxiety and overwhelm until about 6 months ago, and now I regularly have to leave early or take a day off. I become inconsolable so quickly.
I've tried to express this to my (NT) family, their solution is for me to move home and find a job local to them. They genuinely don't seem to understand.
Right now I'm genuinely scared. I don't think I can keep doing this without making myself really unwell, or worse, but I have no idea how I'll be able to survive if I'm not in work.
Sending all my support to anyone who's just barely clinging on today.