Use me as a cautionary tale.
My story began about 10 years ago, when I was diagnosed with a prolactinoma. I was prescribed cabergoline and wasn’t warned about the side effects, and I didn’t do my part in researching potential side effects, so I’ll own that. After about a year on my initial dose my dose was doubled. Within a year of my dose being doubled, I suddenly started having weird sexual urges. Before that, I wasn’t necessarily a super sexual person. I mean I enjoyed it, but porn was never really a thing for me and I probably thought about sex less than your average male, but my wife and I had a healthy sex life.
After a few weeks of having these urges to look up sex workers, one night when my wife was with friends I gave in. That night ignited something that I had never experienced before. After that all I could think about was sex, I wanted to have sex with as many people as possible. The easiest way was with sex workers. I spent hours every day perusing escort website trying to find my next conquest. I managed the finances and so my wife had no idea what I was doing. I became a master of deceit and she had no idea. Not once did it occur to me that this could be a side effect of my medication. I just thought I was raised in a religious, sexually repressed household and this was my coming of age and experiencing life.
After a couple of years of being obsessed with sex workers, I needed more intimacy. I discovered sugar babies. It was more of a relationship to me that escorts, even though there was a financial component to it. I spent hours every day perusing sugar baby/daddy dating websites and meeting college aged women for sex, most of them were ongoing arrangements rather than one time things. But I could never get enough. Usually within an hour or two of a meeting, I started craving my next one. I have no idea how I maintained high job performance and maintained this addiction, as well as how I kept this from my wife, but somehow I did. This behavior continued for roughly 5 years. It also included regularly going to local strip clubs. When I had business trips to Vegas I went wild. In 2024 i made a mistake and my wife found out. It all came out. She kicked me out of the house while we went to couples therapy. Over the next 6 months my behavior continued and in some ways became more erratic and more dangerous (drugs, etc.). I lied about it and after confronting me that she knew I was lying she asked for a divorce. That was 18 months ago.
About two months after her asking for a divorce, I lost my job. That same week, a family member suggested to me it might be this medication i was taking for my prolactinoma. I dismissed them, I thought no way, I’m just a fucked up degenerate that has no self control. After a few weeks I started to google compulsive sexual behavior and cabergoline. That led me to meet with my doctor and as him about that. He had never heard of that as a side effect but agreed to let me try going off it to see if it helps.
At first I didn’t notice much of a change. But within a few months. I completely changed. I was no longer obsessed about sex. I stopped going to strip clubs, having sugar babies, etc. I also started intense therapy for sexual addiction around this time. I had finally come to terms with the fact I had an addiction. As of today, it’s been about 18 months since I’ve hooked up with someone or visited a strip club.
This week we finished mediation and my divorce should be finalized soon. We are still on great terms, and I don’t blame her for wanting a divorce, but it’s still difficult. The day after our mediation was over I called her about something random and we both just broke down in tears, I still love her, and I think she still has love for me. We have two kids and are both committed to co-parenting in a way that is 100% about the kids.
I don’t want to completely blame the medication. I lied and hid that behavior for a long time, I was deceitful. The medication didn’t make me lie and deceive, but I’m 100% convinced it led me to the compulsive behavior. I know because of my personality before and after the medication.
I spent over $150,000 on sex workers and sugar babies and strip clubs over the years. I’m now deeply in debt and not sure if I have any future.
The only thing I can do is move forward and not let my past define me.
If nothing else, please learn from my mistakes and be careful while taking this medication.