Never Ending Care
Long story short I (26F) had a double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction surgery done to prevent breast cancer due to some nasty genetics (PALB2 mutation if you’re interested).
I feel like I’m on this terrible ride I can’t get off. First it was the initial 12 hour surgery. Then a month of not healing correctly. Then another surgery last week for debridement and wound vac attachment. My stomach stitches had to be redone and now they’re infected. I’m one week out and I hate everything. I’m constantly in pain and feel like a drug seeker asking them for pain medication. I have multiple other chronic illnesses and mental health issues to care for while dealing with this. I have this fuck ass machine attached to me at all times and I can’t do anything physical because it could break my stitches or impede my healing.
Everything fucking sucks and hurts and feels like shit. I’m supposed to do this for 3 more weeks and I have no idea how I’ll bear it. I go to therapy once a week but I don’t think it’s helping much. I don’t want to die or hurt myself I just wish this was over or at the very least easier.
And everyone always offers help but they don’t actually mean it. I ask and every excuse ever is thrown at me. I understand people have lives and I’m not their responsibility but don’t fucking offer if you don’t actually want to help. I already feel like a burden and it takes so much for me to admit I need help and ask for it.
I know this sounds like a lot of whining but thank you for listening to my vent. Stay safe and be well everyone 💕