u/Stock_Property_9513

Had someone super confused how I take a shower & wondering how i could live in my car.

Some years back I lived in a house that was being destroyed by black mold.

I had no water or electric for 8 months, no car either and this was semi-country. Car-life is a luxury.

Id walk 18 minutes to the one gas station, charge my battery pack & fill up 2 -1 gallon jugs from their outside spicket.

Id place the jugs in the sun for a while so they would warm up.

That would be my shower. Just pour some water on yourself , soap up, rinse off.

Cooked outside on a fire in a hole in the ground, used a iron grill thing i found in the woods.

Idk man you just cant give up.

Right now i use a shampoo & conditioner Bar**. Super easy.

https://www.tiktok.com/@vesuviasview?_r=1&_t=ZT-95dxYvUWLjK

My only option right now is living in my car. I mentally & physically cannot perform to make money to pay rent, ( if anyone knows about the different levels of Tourette's syndrome & cortisol ) and I have become so bothered & terrified by humans I cannot have roommates.

I've always felt as if I were walking along the edge, as if, at any moment, I would shift into another reality.

I've moved 28 times across the country & back in the last 3.5 years. All without a car or money. Hitch hiking & using my people skills I have learned through working in restaurants for 14 years. Looking for someplace that might feel like "home". I finally got a car last year. Last month my best friend & my only TRUE comfort was cruely taken from this world. The strings holding my mental snapped. I never stepped foot back into that house or the property or I was going to go to jail.

I was always suffering & masking constantly hustling between 3 jobs. Every penny i made was already accounted for before I made them. Bills were my life. Stress was my life. No real support system has always been my reality- other than believing in the kindness of strangers. And i mask like crazy for every interaction. Just gaslighting myself on the daily to pretend im fine and accepting this world that is SO backwards to how life should be.

I was basically non-verbal until I became an adult. I would speak when directly spoken too. I believe I had DID & who knows what else but never was taken to any doctor. Probably why I am the way I am now... a Sacrificed childhood to be...whatever this is.

I wont go into the horrific abuses & loses & mental collapses that have filled my life. Im grateful that what I have been through doesn't show in my heart...or my face.

I have nothing to lose anymore, other than my life itself. I can't remember much about my life besides the pain i have experienced which outweighs the others. Thats why im trying to make these videos daily. I dont want to forget anymore.

Still, I am an optimistic person, I believe life will be (peaceful? Safe? Real?) one day.

I believe life is a movie. I dont see how it can be anything else. Im the main character in my life and nothing anyone could do to me or say about me can break my inner confidence - I know who I am & I dont have to explain it.

So I started a video-diary on tiktok of my carlife living if anyone wants to witness the random but still monotonous. I have less than $200 to my name. Im no nepo , I have no secret trust fund or mommy or daddy to call.

I have strangers and my unstoppable lust for life.

Showering

Documenting carlife w/video blog