Abandonment post surgery, DV, addicted partner
I feel like I don’t know where to start. I’ve had multiple surgeries in the last few months and a miscarriage. On each occasion my “fiance” has bailed. Each time he claimed having things that he “has to do” such as taking care of belongings in storage sheds, moving vehicles and belongings, just all sorts of endless things that are not really urgent in comparison to post surgery support of a partner. Things really became apparent to me around March this year. I had suspected drug use but wasn’t really sure. Turns out he has a massive meth addiction and his ex who is conveniently an escort is who he’s been turning to for months in our relationship. He attacks me and puts me down and has abused me for most of our relationship. He’s gotten physical like really badly. I feel like an idiot for continually letting him back in. I kept making excuses. He came up recently to be there for my surgery and I thought finally this time he understands what he needs to do. But he still let me down. He abused me less than 48 hours post my surgery attacking me saying I was controlling him and telling him what to do. These were the exact phrases that he would use while he was in contact with the ex who is an escort. He sent me his own bank statements to try to show transparency but in these bank statements show that he’s been on Tinder and spending euros on what I suspect to be porn sites. He sent a video to an escort or some other woman off of chatter bait which I saw. He called me a sneaky bitch for looking through his phone but it was only from me doing that out of suspicion and deep deep deep regret that I had to do that but my gut feeling screaming at me that I found out everything. We temporarily separated at that time and I started dating somebody else. He claimed to have put a app on my phone and that’s how he knew that I met somebody else but then he also said that a little birdie told him. I just don’t know what’s true. And after my recent surgery just bailing on me again claiming that he has things “to do” whilst also talking to me about us getting married and having children, what the fuck kind of crack is he smoking? Do you know what I mean? But I also feel like an idiot because why did I keep believing him. I guess what I’m seeking is some sort of emotional support or validation to help me understand how someone could bail another person in their upmost vulnerable time such as post major surgery. And it’s not my first surgery. I cannot comprehend how another human being can say to somebody that they love you and then bail at the utmost critical times and expect that you could have marriage or children together. I’m just looking for some sort of insight in insanity or disturbance that I’m dealing with. He claims to have ADHD. I don’t think he does. I think he’s learnt to use that as an excuse for using meth. Because there are clinical trials and using meth for ADHD. He doesn’t exhibit traits of ADHD. What he does exhibit our traits of emotional and psychological abuse physical abuse so much domestic violence. I did call the police on him once. Because I loved him and didn’t want to send him to jail I thought it was better that he do a DV course which he enrolled in and did. But he missed my my birthday recently, said he’d make it up to me, then wasn’t even here for the actual surgery, claims he couldn’t bear it if something happened to me, then postsurgery is abusing me verbally and bailing on me which in a sense is a form of abuse and I was bleeding and begging him to help me like I can’t lift anything over 5 kg for 2 to 4 weeks. And I said could you please mow the lawn in my house that he was staying in for free. Could you please help out with moving a few things and he laughed at me when I was crying and saying why do you keep treating me so badly. And I said do you just not want to be here and he said yes I wanna be down there referring to the Gold Coast. And so I left. I just left him. And then the next day when I came back trying to repair with some breakfast in a note stating the boundaries that I needed he was gone. No no no phone call no nothing. Just a sook email blaming me for leaving him there alone. He was upset that he was left alone when I was post surgery needing to be cared for. Someone please help me so that I don’t feel completely insane.