Divorce is just a next chapter in life.
13years together, 3years married, no kids.
I almost never worked my whole life. I did several part-time jobs before I met my husband and few years working while we were poor college students.
As soon as my husband got his job, I never worked. We moved across the country and I lost all my friends. He wanted me prioritizing hanging out with him after his 8-5 work, weekends, and holidays.
It looked like I was having the best life. We traveled outside the country 2-3x a year, flew different states for camping and exploring in general. Sometimes we would go Europe and Asia for a month. He worked remote and I would do whatever I wanted during the day.
All these trips I never had to worry about money.
Honestly it was lonely in a way. Recently I found a new volunteer program working with animals and rescues. I met some of the most wonderful people and I loved doing what I did. Waking up at 430AM and working (volunteer) until 6-7PM felt like nothing but joy when helping animals.
I made friends through this volunteer and other animal rescue programs, beach cleaning, and other communities. While my husband’s at work, I have brunch with some friends, go hiking, volunteering and whatnot.
However, the more I’m getting involved with all the people, I’m realizing how husband’s been controlling of me.
He stops me from hanging out with people, talk badly of all the people I meet, belittle my volunteer work, and discourage me from doing what I genuinely enjoy.
He never talks to me about his work, about what he does, or anything really. I realized it’s always me talking and him judging me. He can’t have proper conversation, just explaining in short as possible or asks me what’s the point of even talking about certain topics.
Whenever I try something new like dog sitting or selling my artwork, he tries to manage everything. He’s good at what he does but very controlling. So much planning and nothing gets actually done. I once sold my artwork and postcards on Instagram without telling him and made enough pocket money I even wrote on my taxes. I got 10k followers on my art Instagram and still selling few prints. After I told him eventually, he would judge me and tried to “expand the business his way”.
I have the luxury to not having to work but also feel trapped. My family was never rich and I pretty much grew up with barely roof above our heads but had good childhood. My parents always made me feel safe and let me have my freedom.
I wish to make dog rescue sanctuary one day. Adopt dogs and rescue, have a big farm or yard to care for them. I’ve met so many amazing vet friends who also wish to do something similar. It’s fun to even just talk about it.
My husband hates these kind of dream talks. And everyday feels so dull with him…
He’s always on Reddit, scrolling away. Never have conversations really. Other than what to eat, where to go next vacation, what to DO next.
Idk how to explain it but… I’ve been feeling like I’m ready to restart life. I feel content thinking about divorce. Life with nothing luxury. I never wanted luxuries, brand products, Michelin star restaurants and whatnot. I have most fun when I’m chatting with my colleagues about dogs/cats, our silly daily life, the small happiness.
I feel spoiled for saying all this when I don’t even have job myself. It’s such an entitlement? Privileged? Life and thoughts.
I’m not sure where this is going but hopefully I can make a dog/cat sanctuary where I can help animals in need one day with a community who feel the same.
Thinking about divorce and I feel strangely content.