u/Smidgerening

Hello everyone, I know there are likely a good number of these posts on this subreddit but we could really use some advice for this situation. TLDR at the bottom. Thank you all for your help!

My partner and I attend a very reverent Roman Catholic parish run by a traditional, albeit new, holy order. We sing in Latin, have an organ, receive the Eucharist on the tongue at a communion rail, begin and end each Mass with silent prayer, attend confession 1-2 times a month, etc. We were both raised Roman Catholic, but we were away from the faith for a few years, during which we got civilly married. We returned when we realized we wanted to raise our children as Christians, so now we are preparing to be married in the Catholic Church. As part of our marriage preparations we are required to attend a weekend marriage retreat led by the Archdiocese. This retreat has shaken our faith beyond measure.

Most of the retreat was listening to very tear-filled Protestant-y “Jesus loves you” testimonies from lay people (this is fine I suppose, we can’t expect every parishioner to act exactly like us right?). It was very surface level, lacked any real theology, and didn’t really involve any clergy, but it was more annoying and boring than problematic. There was one instance during a very short Adoration session where a Priest felt the need to joke about sex and giving people the middle finger while in the presence of the Eucharist, but at least it didn’t last long and we could somewhat ignore it. However, the weekend concluded with a Mass that has us questioning the faith entirely.

The Mass was extremely lacking in reverence. There was a band playing very Protestant-y songs (yes, I am aware that the majority of the hymns the Catholic Church uses were written by Protestants - our parish usually dresses them up a bit). The announcements were given at the beginning of the Mass, and we can only assume that is because everyone left immediately after the conclusion of the service. After the procession the priest joked and spoke candidly from the altar to the congregation (not even about the retreat, it was addressed to the normal attendees so I have to imagine this is a common occurrence). This all culminated in an extremely loud drum solo during the consecration of the Holy Sacrament, during which I almost left the service altogether from disgust. We were the only people to kneel and pray following the conclusion of the service - the rest of the congregation clapped as they rushed the doors to leave. Afterwards we overheard fellow retreat attendees talking about how beautiful the Mass was.

The thing is, this is what our Archdiocese decided we NEEDED to witness before our marriage. This was an expensive retreat with a big budget - it could have been a life changing experience for us, filled with reverence and attendance from clergy. Instead we got a retreat indistinguishable from any non-denominational Sunday afternoon - and they’re proud of it! Is this really all there is to Catholicism? As laypeople, it seems like the way we interact with the religion is only sixty years old - we attend a service designed (with input from Protestants) in the 1960s, singing songs written by Protestants from the 1960s. I knew these problems ran rampant immediately following Vatican II, but I was told the situation was improving - instead the Archdiocese held our eyes open and made us learn in horror that these problems still persist and are even encouraged. And we are expected to accept this as normal?

Now I won’t lie, I am aware of the doctrinal differences between Catholicism and Orthodoxy. I know about issues like the Filioque, Papacy, and Papal Infallibility. I tend to agree with the Orthodox takes on these issues, as does my wife (from our admittedly limited knowledge). I, perhaps foolishly, chose to ignore them for the sake of comfort - we love our individual parish after all, and it’s so comfortable. But that’s what makes this so difficult - we have attended a Divine Liturgy and it feels so foreign. It’s scary and we don’t know what’s going on. We don’t understand anything. The thought of having to convert is also terrifying, as we’d love to start our family soon. But can we really bury our heads in the sand and return to our old Catholic parish, pretending everything is fine?

Any advice here would be greatly appreciated. We are scared and confused, but we are determined to find the truth. Thank you.

TLDR: Partner and I attended a mandatory Catholic retreat and endured a weekend totally lacking in reverence. We doubt the Catholic Church and its ability to safeguard the truth, however we are terrified of leaving and joining the extremely foreign Orthodox Church. Any advice is greatly appreciated.