She has a more sexual past.
I’ve o my ever been sexual with one person before my gf.
She’s made a lot of comments throughout our relationship and recently something happened that’s made me spiral and can’t stop thinking about them.
Our first time having sex I was worried because she had made comments about size preference and I was worried I wouldn’t be up to her standard. she said “you are fine, I’ve had a guy that was way bigger so I prefer this” made me feel odd lol
Said she had loved doing all these sexual things a positions and actions with her past partners but never wants to do them to me(head, touch me, send pics, etc)
She’s started to say that sex disgusts her but she literally has like 7+ bodies and when we were first talking she talked about how much she loved it(relating to her past partners)
I checked her phone recently cause I got nervous (I know, mistake) and found texts with a guy a week before we started dating (we were already talking) and it was her asking to ride him and suck him through his boxers and sending him oiled up t*t pics and whatnot, yet she hates sending me stuff or me sending her stuff, I sent her pics before and she laughed cause I looked funny and didn’t know how to “pose properly”, she never wants to be touchy with me, and I realized the other day, that whenever we do get intimate, she wants me to pleasure her first but then she just says “I’m tired and wanna stop” before doing anything to me. And I don’t wanna force her to do anything but whenever I say I wanna start with her doing stuff to me so i get some pleasure, she coms up with excuses “I don’t have protection” well I do “I’m not really in the mood” ok that’s fine “but can you still finger me(or whatever else)” and usually I’m the one trying to kiss her, or compliment her, or touch her but it’s never reciprocated and I don’t like having to ask cause it feels like she doesn’t want to if I have to ask, and if I don’t, then we stop and then she just goes and watches tv afterwards. So it’s kinda started to feel like I’m just there to get her off. Like in my mind, if we were sexting or being intimate and I was able to O, but she wasn’t, I’d say “did you O?” And she says no, “did you want to?” And if she says no, then cool, and if yes, then cool “do
You want me to pleasure you more?” Like I don’t see what’s hard or bad about that, you should want your partner to feel as good as possible and feel seen and involved, but she just walks away and goes about her stuff, and it’s begun to remind me of her past partners and guys she messaged cause she said “they’re just guys I used to get off from” even then, I’ve never got nudes from you or you telling me how bad you want me or the things you want to do to me, it’s only things you want me to do to you, and whenever I compliment her she just says “I know” never thanks, which I guess go off cause self confidence, but again still hits me the wrong way and it’s never reciprocated.