How long did it take for you guys to process that you had a tumor
I found out I had a mass in my brain in November of 2025, I got my surgery in January, and I returned to school in the middle of March.
It is now May and I don’t think I have fully processed that I had a tumor or got surgery on my brain.
When I found out, I didn’t cry, I kind of just felt like “Of course. My senior year of high-school and I have a brain tumor” and somehow that wasn’t even the worst thing that’s happened to me.
I was scared that I would die but I just tried not to think about it. If it happened it happened. I think going about it like this and not talking about it, trying to distance myself from my brain and my health, made me feel like it wasn’t actually happening. I almost had no emotions tied to having a tumor. It felt like it wasn’t even me that had it.
If I talked about it people just cried or got really weird and sad. Which I totally understand, if it was anyone but myself, I know I would have the same reaction. I just don’t and didn’t associate myself with having a tumor I guess.
I have always struggled with repression, I guess my body cannot handle some things so I just try and get rid of them. I went to therapy when I was younger and I have amnesia from past traumatic events, I’m scared I might repress some of this as well.
I know my memory is messed up because I got surgery on my brain. I’m sure that was bound to happen, I just don’t want it to be more than that. I feel like I don’t remember anything from November to January. My boyfriend will talk about things we did or I will look at my shelf and see little trinkets from adventures we went on but I have no recollection of them and have to ask my boyfriend what it is and why I have it :( I feel like I lost a piece of me and my relationship
Now,
I always feel a sense of dread when I think that I got surgery or had a tumor. I am struggling with mild emetophobia and intense anxiety (which I’m sure a lot of what I am feeling stems from, and my fear of forgetting), I probably need therapy, but unfortunately that is not in the cards for me.
I feel so weird about the whole thing
When will I accept it? How do I? Will it come naturally or is this something that I need to work through?