Help with life thru Christianity
Okay so I’ve been with christ 4 years now, and im ngl i just don’t understand it. I’m trying be a professional league of legends video game player(I’m already in the top percentile for it, and I do thank god because I was also stuck in the average diamond lobbies and he helped me get to grandmaster) but now I’m stuck and don’t know how to play like a pro or how to find the connection to get me into the scene. I also don’t understand some verse in the bible, example have faith for stuff you ask for god, a man who thinks is what he is, lean on god knowledge etc. it like okay I think im a pro and can play on pro level but then weeks go by and I’m still playing at the same level. Okay well I pray and ask god to help me climb today in the rank and now for the past week I lost my games, got troll teammates, and the opposite happened. I ask god to show me the knowledge I lack to go pro, okay well nothing happened. I tried to watch pro player play and again nothing happens. I’ve also had enough this year and felt like god is just abusing me and its making me question should I even continue this relationship, constant weeks and months feel wasted because none of my prayers are answered. I get anxious and feel lost alot of times when I play but can perform good at moments, kinda of has high high but a low low player performance and I genuinely don’t know what I’m missing to be a pro player. Sorry for any rudeness towards god but It makes me so mad that I’ve been trying for 4 years and been kinda stuck for the past year at this level. I want to go pro and it feels like this is my thing but I don’t know the next steps. I also don’t have money for coaching and it so hard for me to talk to people. I am tho going next week to therapy to hopefully get anxiety meds but it just seems alot of times god isn’t helping me but constantly putting me on trials and tribulations and its like bro Ive had enough I just want to start winning in life and finally my dream becomes reality. Sorry for yapping