u/Shadow-null

Blood. That's the only way I taste it.

What you do to me. What you put me through.

I missed the sting. When it wasn't my hand.

And I missed slicing, licking you clean.

The way you'd force me. Until I couldn't take anymore.

It's been too long.
I have a need to feed.
So fucking bite me.
Make me bleed.

More. Harder. DEEPER. Bite me like you damn well fucking mean it.

I don't care.

I don't care if it hurts. I don't care if it dies. I don't care if you're scared. Make me feel alive.

I don't want less.

But you.

..I need my fix.

So strap me in again. Back in that cold damp room. So dark that I can hardly see you. Other than rot, all I smell is you.

And cold on my neck, it stings again. My head feels fuzzy. The world loses balance. Why do you sound like that?

Your fingers pry open my mouth, pulling out my tongue. You hold it out, and I can't see.

But I know. I know what's coming. I know what you're giving me.

I know it's red. I know it's tangy. I know it's bad for me. I know it's what I need. And I know that it's time.

Time to taste your love.

Thank you.

I had a bad day and you heard from me less.

I took some time cuz my head is a mess.

I can't always be there and I can't always smile.

I never promised that, not even for a while.

The distance grows, from what was so near.

Rather bite my tongue, than chew off your ear.

You wanted a man. You wanted me hot.

You wanted a woman. That's what you got.

Without the wind, the leaf surely falls.

Like I used to, on our long calls.

It's quiet now, you're no longer here.

No surprise, and not a tear.

Because like them all, you failed to see.

My door is open, but only for me.

You are so beautiful. And insanely handsome. Every time my eyes catch on you my heart skips a beat. You're so smart. You're so hot. You're the fucking best.

Your body is sexy. Your hair is beautiful. Your eyes are deep, and big. Your hands caress, your mouth whispers, your grin tells. I can't around you.

You're kind and caring. You've always been there for me. I don't deserve you. I can't believe you're even real. What did I do to deserve you? Why are you so nice to me?

Anyone would be lucky to have you. But I want you. I want you all to myself. I want you to be mine.

These are not my words.

I get it. I do. I know. I love me too. Why wouldn't you? Everyone does 🤷‍♂️

Is gushing love? Is crushing love? Is a fleeting feeling love?

I've begun to realise lately that, if everything is urgent then it redefines the meaning of urgency. And what everyone so easily calls love...

Love hurts. Love cracks and breaks and rips away at my soul. And I love it. I love hurting you. I love that you love it. It's addictive.

And anything less. Anything safe. Anything gentle and cute and sweet and soft. I can barely feel on my thickened skin. It's there.. if I focus. But nothing cuts through like a knife. And I want it inside me.

What can I say? Things are good. People are.. predictable. Easy to read. And I'm bored. You want me to kiss you softly, whisper those sweet nothings. Your rose tinted glasses clouded your vision that you fail to see the other 20 beside you.

I thought being like this would be different. I thought I'd find myself further away than before. I thought I'd have it.

But I'm back to her. To her wise words. To those crowds, that devotion, the undying commitment to her own beliefs.

Whatever you have, I don't feel it.

And I know now.

That's not love.