Are the cherry blossoms in bloom yet? Are there any around fox point? It's my first year in new england and I've never seen them before. Want to make sure I don't miss it. Thanks!!
I'm 30F, was homeschooled until late 7th grade until my parents finally let me go to public school. Only now am I finally starting to unpack how fucked this all was. Homeschooling should be illegal, kids should ALWAYS have access to safe adults outside the home.
I'm an only child. My parents homeschooled me because they thought I was a bright kid, and school would not be challenging enough. I can't believe it took me as long as it did to realize this excuse was bullshit. My mom would teach me for 2 hours in the morning, maximum. By the afternoon, she was checked out, usually drinking. My dad worked from home. They were my entire world, I had nobody else. All day I dreamed of going to school and being normal, making friends, and I couldn't understand why they wouldn't let me.
I now understand they were grooming me. As young as 12, they would ask about my masturbation habits and provided me a vibrator and told me to use it. My dad would sometimes shower naked with me as old as 8. They made me a witness to their sex life and encouraged me to be sexually open with them. They watched porn with me. This is just the stuff I remember. I have a feeling there's more that I blocked out just to survive. Everyone outside the house was our enemy, even if they didn't say it outright- it was heavily implied. They told me what a good kid I was for trusting them and only them. I had nobody else.
By the time they finally let me go to school, I was programmed: if I told anyone what they were doing to me, it would have been a deep betrayal. The most formative years of my life were spent being their toy until they got sick of me turning into a person.
I have never been intimate with anyone. I'm constantly cycling through friends because I don't trust anyone.
If anyone has any reading recommendations I would love to know. I am really at the beginning of my healing journey with all of this and am looking for resources to understand what happened to me better. Thank you for reading
I'm 30 years old (F). For most of my life I have considered my childhood to be fairly normal, and that I was lucky to have such awesome parents who were so open about everything. But I'm starting to suspect this was due to what my parents had trained me to believe. I have so many issues as an adult, including the inability to be sexually intimate with anyone. I have never had sex, not because I don't want to, but because every time I get close the idea repulses me.
I also don't feel love for my parents in the same way I feel love for my friends, it feels like my love for them is blocked by something that feels "icky" for lack of a better word. I've started to piece some things together and I have to share them otherwise I will rationalize it all away to preserve my relationship with them.
I am not really sure if this is CI or OI or if I'm just overreacting, but unfortunately realizing the more I process, I am probably not overreacting. This all feels bad :(
My parents would have loud sex and not hide it from me at all. They would tell me when they were going to have sex and I would have no choice but to listen to it. There was nowhere in the house I could go where I wouldn't hear it, and they never offered me any options (headphones, etc) to not hear it. When I got older I learned how to avoid this better, but when I was a little girl (as young as 6) I had no idea how to avoid this and it was incredibly distressing every time, as I thought my dad was hurting my mom.
My parents would have sex in the common areas of the house. Never in front of me, but they would bring it to my awareness after the fact. One time, I was sitting in a chair in my dad's office, and he told me that he had sex with my mom there 20 minutes ago. I couldn't have been older than 12.
My father showered naked with me as old as 8 years old.
When I was 12, my parents bought me a vibrator and told me to use it to masturbate. When I was a young teen, my parents asked me if I watched porn. I said yes, and they had me show them, and we all watched it together.
I was homeschooled until 7th grade, and had no "safe" adults to talk to, and very limited interaction with kids my age. The interactions I did have with kids my age never felt natural and I had a very hard time connecting with anyone, despite being a very social kid. My parents would often talk badly about everyone else and tell me what a good kid I was for trusting them so much. When I started going to school and made meaningful connections with other kids, my parents moved us all to a different state and I wasn't able to make meaningful connections again. They moved us at the beginning of summer, I couldn't drive, and I had nothing to do but be alone in the house with them for 3 months.
When I was a teenager, my dad told me to stop wearing bathrobes after a shower because he would confuse me for my mom and get sexually aroused. The bathrobe wasn't sexual, it covered me completely and I would wear it so my hair wouldn't get my clothes wet. This made me feel disgusting in ways I don't have words for.
My dad would often explain the sex he had with my mom, and how he would make her orgasm.
I don't know how I know this, but I know the size of my father's erect penis.
Thank you for letting me share this. I am looking for a therapist but I won't be able to start right away and I needed to get this off my chest.
EDIT: I would appreciate if the conversation could be kept to the comments instead of DMs. I'm sure most of you have good intentions and are also survivors of abuse and want to have a normal conversation. But some of the DMs I've gotten have started out "normal" but it quickly became apparent that they were trolling for vulnerable women to exploit further. So for this reason I will not be responding to DMs anymore. Thank you