u/Salt_Cartographer80

Hi guys, 18F here.

So, for context, I used to be in competitive ice-skating with my bsf who later became my bf.

Me and my bsf/bf, Theodore, Theo for short, met in kindergarten, we became inseparable by 2nd grade and he moved away to Nottingham by 3rd grade and I basically switched continents due to my mom's transferable job at the time. His parents and my mom were in constant contact these few years that we were away. Post few years later, I'm 11 now and I move to Edinburgh to go into a boarding school there and that's where I met him again, he still looked the same as he did when I last saw him and we hugged and spent the entire day roaming the hallways. Our boarding basically looked like Hogwarts from Temu and we used to joke about it a lot.

We started becoming very close and I had started to like him, around the age of 12, he and I joined ice skating together and decided to give competitive ice-skating a shot since our coach thought we were a really good duo since we were always in perfect sync, the coach wanted us to go for the tryouts of the unde-18 nationals championshis. We had our wins and losses in competitions but we didn't really care about it because we just did it for the fun of it. We started dating when we were 13.

2 yeats later Theo was was diagnosed with 2nd stage pancreatic cancer. He already had a very poor immune system but he didn't let cancer get in the way of how he lived or how he behaved with others. He was always respectful, warm, sweet and gentle to everyone but he hated people seeing him sick. Theo didn’t want to be remembered like that but I was there, through all the hospital visits, the sleepless nights, all the chemo and specially on the days he got worse.

I stayed till the end. I was there when he took his last breath and 3.5 years since I have never stepped on the ice again and I think I don't know how to say this but I feel like I'm drowning and I js feel so suffocated.