u/Sad-Salt24

Salam everyone,

I came for Hajj with the hope of changing myself spiritually and becoming closer to Allah. Financially and emotionally, this journey has been a huge investment for me, and I truly wanted my heart to change here.

But honestly, I’m struggling internally.

I see so many people around me crying when they see the Kaaba, making dua with deep emotion, asking Allah for forgiveness with tears in their eyes. Even people in my own group and my partner feel deeply connected emotionally.

I pray all five prayers, do tawaf regularly, and have already performed a few Umrahs, but inside I still feel emotionally disconnected. The only time I truly felt overwhelmed was the very first time I saw the Kaaba.

One moment that really affected me was when one of our group members took me close to the Kaaba and helped me touch the wall of the Kaaba directly. I remember placing my head and hands on it while looking around and seeing people beside me crying deeply, making dua with so much emotion, asking Allah for forgiveness with tears in their eyes.

And I was just standing there feeling… empty.

I wasn’t emotional. I didn’t cry. My mind just went blank while I watched everyone around me feeling something so deep. The more I looked around, the more strange and guilty I felt inside, like maybe my heart is too hard or maybe I’m too sinful to feel what others are feeling.

Now my mind keeps drifting toward worldly things like food, shopping, exploring the city, and comfort instead of عبادت. Some days even praying five times, going for tawaf, or walking to Haram feels mentally heavy for me, and that scares me.

It has only been around a week, but instead of feeling spiritually stronger, I feel more disconnected as the days pass.

Since then, I feel like I’m just continuing physically while my heart is not fully present. Sometimes it makes me feel scared that maybe my heart has become too hard or that I’m spiritually weak compared to others around me.

Has anyone else experienced this during Hajj or Umrah?

I would really appreciate sincere advice and duas.