I feel like I’m getting worse and no one is helping – not sure what to do
TW: suicide, self-harm, eating issues, SA, Abortion
I’m 21F and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not in immediate danger and I’m not about to act on anything, but I feel like I’m getting worse and no one is actually helping.
Over the past week things have escalated a lot. I’ve been having constant suicidal thoughts, and a few days ago I had a plan that I’d been thinking about for a while. I didn’t act on it, but it scared me how real it felt.
I’ve also been seeing things for months (shadow figures, feeling like someone is there or watching me), and recently it’s got more intense – like seeing actual people or really distressing images linked to suicide. I know it’s not real, but in the moment it feels real and I have to check.
I’m under mental health services (cmht to be exact) but it feels like nothing actually happens. There’s been talk about medication for ages but no one follows it up. I saw my GP and they took it seriously, but even then it feels like everything just gets passed around as they’ve gave me appointment with their CPN.
It honestly feels like you have to get to absolute breaking point before anyone actually does anything.
For context, I’ve been dealing with a lot – including SA, eating-related behaviours, really bad anxiety & depression, SH and a recent abortion – and I don’t really have support from friends or family. I feel like everything has just built up and now it’s all hitting at once.
I don’t even know what I’m asking for. I just feel stuck, like I’m getting worse and watching it happen, and the people who are supposed to help aren’t actually doing anything.
Has anyone been in a similar situation with services? Did anything actually help or change?