u/SRWCF

ULTRA-SHORT SUMMARY

• My mom’s dementia led to impulsive moves, dangerous long‑distance drives, and repeated episodes of getting lost.
• I obtained emergency guardianship and placed her in Arizona memory care for safety and practicality.
• She’s now unhappy and calls me crying, despite the facility being of good quality and past attempts to live near me failing.
• I'm heartbroken, exhausted, and unsure what to do as I plan my own retirement and future move.
• I'm grieving what dementia has taken from the both of us.

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LONGER VERSION WITH DETAILS

I'm in Idaho and Mom's in Arizona. She used to live in Idaho, but sold her home here at the end of October 2025 and drove to Arizona on a whim in order to "cross the border" to Mexico for dental care. She got an estimate for dental care in Idaho and it was $2,600. But, because of Dementia, she was convinced the cost would be $26,000 and no one was going to tell her differently!

She then purchased a home on the fly while In Arizona. Things went downhill after that. I had to involve Adult Protective Services in her county in December 2025 to keep an eye on her. Mom got angry over that and took off late one night in her car with her 3 dogs.

She eventually ended up in Idaho (700 miles away from her home) and then got lost, calling me to help. I rescued her in a town 2 hours away from me.

She stayed in my city (formerly her city, too) for a couple of days and I tried to arrange for MC here, but it was over the Christmas and New Year holidays, so there were delays. Those delays caused just enough time for my mom's "best friend in the entire world" to convince Mom that I was out to get her money and restrict her driving!

Soooo, Mom got angry (again) and took off in her car (yes, again), this time getting lost in North Las Vegas (about 900 miles from me). She was found sleeping in her car with her 3 dogs in between a building and a dumpster, across from a truck stop.

It was at this point that I hired an attorney and got emergency guardianship. I had to then make the decision of whether to put her into MC in Arizona, or try to somehow transport her back to my city. I opted for Arizona because she had a friend there and she did nothing but complain about being COLD 24/7 while in my city. I figured she'd at least be warm all year around in Arizona, plus it was easier to get her transported to Arizona from Las Vegas than it would have been to get her back to my city.

She's been in MC since January 3rd and in a brand new facility (super nice that I toured myself) as of 2 weeks ago. I just got a call from her (she doesn't have a cell phone, just uses theirs). She started telling me how horrible it is there. That everyone else is "way worse off" than she is. She says they NEVER do activities (I've seen the activities calendar and every day they have at least 5-6 activities planned). I asked her about the huge Easter celebration they just had. She was shocked - "What celebration???" she asked! LOL. The pictures above are of my mom and another resident (my mom is the lady on the left in lavendar). And, of course, the other photos are of the brunch spread that was provided.

She ended up crying on the phone. Saying she couldn't make friends. That the food was "just OK" There is nothing to do but watch TV. She kept apologizing for screwing up and causing her to be placed into a facility in the first place. She cried that she wanted to at least be back in my city, in a small apartment, etc. I told her we already tried that last year when, in January 2025, she purchased a small townhome a short distance from my house. After only 7 short weeks of living there, she phoned her realtor declaring that she hated it and wanted to move and asked him to not tell me. He, of course, told me.

A couple months after that she was so angry with me for helping her and visiting often, that she went to an attorney and removed me as POA and wrote me out of her will (I was supposed to get 100% of her meager estate when she passed - now it's supposedly all going to the humane society, although I have yet to see the updated will with my own eyes). Ugggghhh.

Anyhow, if you've read this far, thank you. I'm just so fucking sad right now. I know if she was here in my city, she'd be equally as miserable and find things to complain about, but I certainly don't want to hear her crying on the phone to me all of the time. I've limited my contact with her so that she can adjust to her new MC, but it doesn't seem to be working.

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I'm just venting. Maybe a little bit of both! My husband and I will be retiring soon and likely will not remain in our current city. So, the last thing I want to do is move her here, then potentially move her, again.

I HATE THIS DISEASE.