Reading the posts here, it's clear I'm not alone in what I'm going through ... which brings me some comfort.
My wife has always had intense PMS, but in the last 5yrs it's exploded into full-on divorce threats most months. It always passes, and the other 3/4 weeks are what I'd call "normal".
But if I could really narrow in on one thing that I want advice on, it's this:
Even when my wife is deep deep deep into those days, she is able to act largely rationally and insists on having endless "rational" discussions with me, where not taking part is not an option.
Invariably these start innocently and collaboratively and I miss the hint before it turns into "here's what you did wrong, I need you to promise you will never ever do that again, will never ever be frustrated with me, etc. I know that's not fair and it's unrealistic, but that's the kind of man I need ... can you do that?".
I don't see how I can lie and say "I absolutely can do that" because of course I can't be perfect, and I've been told 99% is not good enough.
I don't see how I can be brutally honest and say "that's too much" because that gives her validation for all her anger (i.e., "yep, I'm right, my husband doesn't care about me").
I've tried hard to find nurturing honest words of affirmation ("I understand, and I'm going to work really hard and do my absolute best") but that quickly gets interpreted as either "no way" (see above), or "that's not an answer, let's try this again for another 30min".
This is consuming hours (plural) every day. I'm not "allowed" to leave the conversation, regardless how harsh/pointed it becomes, because that "shows my husband doesn't care about me when I need his support".
I've also tried "I absolutely want to talk about this ... can we do that in 3 days?" which gets shot down with "in 3 days I'll have forgotten about the pain I'm in now, and then we'll do nothing to prevent the pain next month ... I want to make a decision NOW about whether I'm going to stay in this marriage or not".
Please ... anyone who can related to this ... tell me your stories ... tell me you found a way to survive this. I really feel like each month is turning into a race between "how long is she going to be suffering?" and "how long is it going to take her to research a divorce lawyer?".