My wife is really struggling after giving birth and I don’t know how to help her anymore
My wife has been having a really hard time since giving birth. Let me give you some context.
My wife left her country to come live in mine more than 5 years ago. She left behind her country, culture, family, and some of her dreams. Little by little she has adapted to her new life here, although it hasn’t been easy and I wouldn’t say she feels completely at home yet.
A little over a year ago she got pregnant, and overall she handled it quite well, although she will always feel sad that she had to go through it far away from her family.
After giving birth 5 months ago, she started having health problems. During the first month postpartum she had an abscess. In the third month she developed De Quervain’s tendinitis. And now, for the past week, she has had a rash all over her body that itches badly and doesn’t let her sleep at night. The doctors still haven’t been able to tell us whether it’s an allergy, hives, or scabies.
It feels like life never gives her a break. She hasn’t had a proper night’s sleep in more than 5 months.
Her family was supposed to come before the birth, but a week before the due date her father had a heart attack. Thankfully he survived and is stable now, but because of that her family couldn’t come then. In the end they came about 2 months later, but they could only stay for 1 week.
I know my wife has really missed having her parents by her side during this time.
She feels very alone. I try to help and support her as much as I can, but I had to go back to work 2 months ago, so she spends most of the day alone. At night she can’t get much rest either because the baby is going through a sleep regression and she is breastfeeding.
I can see that she is feeling low and very irritable. I understand why. It is incredibly hard. Her life has changed completely, and motherhood is being much harder than she expected.
I don’t know what else I can do to help her feel happier, more positive, with more energy and more desire to enjoy life again, because sometimes it seems like she would just like to leave everything behind and disappear. Don’t get me wrong: she loves our daughter more than anything. But this is all becoming too much for her.
What affects her the most, besides all the physical problems, is having almost no time for herself. Whenever the baby naps (and the naps are short), she uses that time to eat something, shower, or do housework.
I try to help however I can. Before I go to work, I do the laundry, empty the dishwasher, prepare breakfast for her, etc. When I get home, I take care of the baby until bedtime. On weekends I spend as much time as I can with our daughter so my wife can rest, sleep, or have some time for herself.
But I feel like it’s not enough. She still feels alone.
Unfortunately, we don’t have help from anyone, for one reason or another. Neither her family nor mine can help us.
I am genuinely worried about her health, especially her mental health.
Thank you for reading this far. I would really like to hear from mothers who have gone through something similar, what helped you stay mentally healthy, or what you think could help my wife. I am willing to do whatever it takes to help her and give her some relief.