Our physical intimacy has gone sharply downhill over the past decade, all but fallen off a cliff the past 5 along with his health.
He is still affectionate sometimes but physically can’t do much in a sexual way for a host of reasons. His hands are also impacted by his illness so very poor strength and fine motor in addition to lots of other challenges.
Everyone once in a while he will want to fool around and he’ll try and make things nice for me… I have the absolute hardest time keeping my head in it because…
- I’m worried that he will be physically uncomfortable
- I know that he won’t really be able to get anything out of it himself
- turns out my partners pleasure is really important for me (that was never an issue before… it was pretty much a guarantee that things would end well for him…)
- the amount of effort and finagling that goes into trying to get him into a position where he can be somewhat comfortable and help him manipulate toys etc to try to do stuff is a lot.
- as much as I try to do anything I can to make it good for him I almost always feel just sad and kind of devastated that this is the best there is likely ever going to be again.
We’ve done pills/positions/toys - I’ve been willing to try damn near anything over the years…
I guess my question is how do you reconcile all the feelings and try and still show up that way for them when/if they are up for it even tho it’s become such a challenge on every level?
I’m sure there are many here who would love if they could even have this much interaction with their IS… huge hugs to all of you. I feel guilty for struggling so :(