Chronic People pleaser! Finally stopped taking on other people problems,
I (25F) am a mom, a college student, and someone who deals with multiple chronic illnesses. For the longest time, I have been a chronic people-pleaser. Saying "no" used to give me so much anxiety in every type of relationship, intimate moments, family, or friends. I was always the person everybody called, but when I needed them, no one ever seemed to pick up the phone.
Recently, I went through a really horrid stalking situation, followed by a surgery a month later. I've been constantly dealing with the aftermath: trying to get myself to physical therapy, keeping up with schoolwork, and adjusting my living situation. Every day I am either at doctor’s appointments, sleeping to heal from the immense stress, or trying to manage my health while taking care of everything else.
Lately, I’ve been evaluating the people around me and how I show up for myself. I realized I haven't been happy with how I’m treating myself, my eating, my sleeping, my self-care. I’ve reached a breaking point where I am just fed up with people thinking they can do whatever they want, whenever they want, and expect me to just bend to their will.
Just last weekend, I canceled my own hair and eyebrow appointments to sit and do everything for everybody else. My mom ended up in the hospital, and my parents just expected me to show up and give all my time and effort as I did in the past, even though I was drowning. This time around, with much love, I visited my mom once. But because I am going through a serious situation with court issues, processing trauma, and juggling my own appointments, I drew a line.
Today, I finally said NO.
- I said no to my daughter’s father when he wanted me to drive 40 minutes to a party with people I don't care to be around.
- I said no to my dad when he expected me to spend the night at the hospital, because I literally don't have the groceries, the gas, or the energy to do it.
- I said no to a friend who explicitly showed me she couldn't be there for me after a really traumatic situation, but still had the nerve to expect me to be there for her.
For years, I have bent over backwards for everybody to the point where it made me physically sick. Between my parents depending on me, the horrid things my ex has put me through, and the way this friend treated me, I am just done. I’m so tired of people thinking they have unlimited access to me without caring how it affects me.
So right now, my phone is on Do Not Disturb. I am not touching it for the rest of the afternoon. I am chilling with my Frenchie, Reese, who hasn't been getting enough of my attention or cuddles lately. I am going to enjoy the rest of my afternoon with nobody bothering me, and for the first time ever, I don't feel guilty at all. I never thought I would be able to say that.