u/Remarkable-Art2307

So ya first time kinda sharing depressed shit or maybe sharing in general with my personality I always think I'm not even allowed to feel these things with how good my life is but today I will try cuz I'm acknowledging this emotions after so long . So the thing is due to my father's job we have changed places a lot like I have changed 7 schools by now and am in 12th grade now .I am sad like it's been 4years since my father have retired and we have finally settled at home but the thing is I feel like I am continuously trying to be happy I don't know I watch mobile (tho I don't have my own phone) chat loudly with my friends (tho when it's silent I feel that I was scared I will be left out if I didn't).The last four years has been shit on me mentally maybe because the place where my father had his last posting (where we stayed only 1 year) was like the best days of my like I had like 2 friends one of them was my bestfriend it was peaceful but now I feel like life is flowing in meaningless direction where now I only go to school 2days cuz no one comes to school. Studying feels hell with being forced in science (most of the day I'm just procrastinating) as I sometimes think what will I even be doing at this time by next year. IT'S SCARY IT'S OVERWHELMING AND IT'S SHIT that I just want to escape into some dream .I just feel like I laugh so don't go into depression or something and I hat the concept of su*** so ya . I don't know what I want .