Derealization & very bad paranoia.
Hello 21/F I’ve been sober for 6 months now off crack cocaine (which was my doc) & some meth (which I did once every few months as crack was my main doc). Throughout my year of addiction which I started in December 2024 there have been 2 times where I’ve accidentally hit a fent pipe as the people I was around at the time did dope and roc/meth. I am very lucky to still be here I’ve been hospitalized once. For some reason being sober off all drugs mainly uppers besides my two accidental situations I don’t feel like I’m real anymore everything feels like a dream state, or I get very paranoid about drugs being laced in my food/drinks or someone is going to break in into my house and kill me ( I don’t leave my room at night and have three dogs so I try to feel comfortable), and or I feel like I passed away during my addiction and I’m in alternate timeline. Everything feels foggy and in a dream like state. I don’t feel present in my body (feels like I’m looking through myself from another pov) when I become too ware that I don’t feel present in my own body) it causes me panic attacks where my vision gets bad, breathing gets heavy, I feel dizzy, and feel like I’m going to faint. I’m not sure if this is due to the drug use in my past or because of my accidently od on fent. I’ve brought this up to doctors they do absolutely nothing I’m struggling and I want to be present for my now husband and focus on the future but I mentally don’t feel present. The health care system in Canada does absolutely nothing.