Newly in Caregiver Situation
Hey, so within the past month I've found myself in a caregiver role for my dad (F mid-20s), and I think just wanted to vent a little bit? Maybe hear some advice if anyone has any? He's not fully disabled, but definitely is limited and pain is a come-and-go situation. Helping out is a no-brainer for me (like, of course, what I can I do to help -- he's my dad), but I'm getting overwhelmed in juggling caring for him, keeping up with the house, having a full-time job, and not wanting to lose the parts of me and my life that make me happy. My mom is a great help, but she's also a FTE, and unlike me who works from home, she has to go in for work.
Not that I'm in a unique situation or anything (I don't think, at least), but caring for him is turning out to be a lot more than I anticipated. There's so much more cleaning than anticipated, I have no idea how to navigate his moods, and trying to find the balance between respecting his autonomy and insisting on helping out with certain tasks is exhausting. For example, he insists on still cooking his own meals. You would think this would be fine, but he makes a HUGE mess, which then he is unable to clean up. That means then that I am stepping in to clean up. And when I say huge, I mean it can take me easily at least 30 minutes to clean up the kitchen after him cooking and him and my brother eating it. (My mom and I don't eat what they eat and we both just have habits of being tidy and cleaning up after ourselves right away.) It's an every day, sometimes multiple times a day, kind of thing.
I'm a bit extra frustrated because my brother (early/mid-20s) is also at home, but does not help nearly at all. His contribution is essentially just doing my dad's laundry for him. It's also opened up my eyes to how much my dad was doing for him. By contrast, I essentially have just been at home pitching in and paying some light "rent" to help cover costs. All other essential day-to-day tasks in my life have been my own. I've lived on my own before, so I can say with full certainty that the best way I can describe my living situation (autonomy and responsibility-wise) is that I'm a tenant with really cheap rent and people I know I get relatively along with. My brother is not like that at all. He is almost living like he is still in high school... :/
After writing this, I think maybe I just need a virtual hug for now. Also, any advice would be great.