u/Prior_Succotash4220

Before I start, I'm already going in to urgent care today to have my site looked at.

I've been having a lot of complications with my tube since it was placed two weeks ago, including two replacements due to the anchor balloon rupturing twice, and then a gastric obstruction. So, it's safe to say my site is PISSED.

Since my second replacement, and obstruction, I've been having this awful, burning, stinging, awful pain around my site, along with muscle soreness. And some pinching from my t-tacks. I thought it may be infected, but it doesn't feel like infection pain. It's not hot, or throbbing, or deep. There's redness, but it's staying pretty small, and not spreading. It's extremely sensitive to the touch, and the pain worsens when I move, or lie on my left side. It's affecting everything I do, because it's so incredibly painful. It feels like getting a sunburn, on top of a road rash.

I should also mention, that my anchor has been deflated since my obstruction, to prevent another one, and to prevent another rupture, to avoid replacement. So I've had to just keep it taped down to my stomach.

I can't sleep. I can't bathe. And I can barely walk. It's absolutely killing me.

Does this sound like granulation tissue?

I don't know really what to call this. If it was a success or not. Because technically, nothing happened. But, it almost did, multiple times.

A little context, I have a feeding tube (PEG-J) and I've had to have it replaced twice in a week due to repeated anchor ruptures.

The second replacement, went horribly wrong. They placed the tube incorrectly, and placed the anchor balloon in my gastric opening, preventing my stomachs ability to empty. And I ended up in the emergency room. My stomach filled with fluid, and was at risk of rupturing, due to having stitches in my abdomen.

During this, because I was filling with so much fluid so quickly, my body needed somewhere for the fluid to go. And it couldn't go down. I was able to open my gastric tube, and allow some of the fluid and bile to just come out of there.

The pain and nausea and reflux was so severe. My body locked into what I can only describe as a catatonic state due to the intensity of the pain. And as my bf was calling 911, it started to happen. My mouth filled with saliva. And I knew what was coming. And honestly, I was ready. I was in the bathtub so I kinda just, rotated a little to try and aim towards the drain, but nothing came out. I gagged, and retched, but the bile just spilled out of my tube instead.

This happened multiple times over a period of hours, but honestly, every time I dry heaved or gagged into that emesis bag, I just wished it would come out. And get it over with. Because I felt so so horrible.

At the er they gave me IV zofran, and Dilaudid (because I was screaming in pain, and gagging into a bag as I rolled into the room) and it helped. But, it wasnt until they found the source of the obstruction, and received the pressure, that I felt that breath of relief. That "oh thank God it's over" feeling.

I went home covered in bile, acid, fluid, and blood. With two massive bruises in my arms, and a barf bag in hand, pants less. (They lifted me out of the shower and into the ambulance immediately. I didn't have time for pants.)

It was extremely traumatic, but honestly, I think it made a huge step in my recovery. Knowing that my body was trying to protect itself from danger, and wasn't just out to get me, made it feel a lot safer. I'm not cured by any stretch of the word, I still get anxiety when I get nauseous, and of course now I panic when my stomach hurts at all, but I'm a little more confident in myself, now.

Anyway, that's my ramble. Idk if it really counts as a success, because I'm still traumatized and terrified of every feeling in my body tenfold, but I guess I'm more just proud that I was willing to accept it.

I've had my tube for two weeks as of today. And I want it out. I've had complication, after complication, and it's causing me nothing but pain and stress. I've had to have it replaced twice because the balloons keep exploding, and I had a gastric obstruction because the third tube anchor was inflated into my gastric opening. My site is sore, and raw, and I just can't fucking function. It's bad enough I can't eat. The feeds give me diarrhea, and I've just let them because if I don't have diarrhea I don't poop because I can't strain my abdomen. My tube is currently just taped to my body to stop it from falling out because they had to deflate my balloon because it gave me an obstruction, so it has no stability and is just pressing on the nerves in my stomach and causing me pain.

I want to give up. I want to just tell them to take it out and fuck off. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't sleep. I can't eat. I can barely walk. I can't take care of myself. I haven't started gaining weight yet, in fact I'm losing it more.

Someone tell me there's a light at the end of this long, dark, harrowing tunnel, and that it's worth it. Because I genuinely feel that I'd rather get shot in the chest than keep doing this.