DAE get triggered by nostalgia / kenopsia / liminal spaces?
dude i scrolled through all reddit and i can’t seem to find anyone who gets triggered by something similar.
TRIGGER WARNING: passage of time, existential dread, extreme nihilism(?), liminal, and vent
I can’t look at my photos when i was a baby, bc i get an intense feeling of dread. nostalgia is a very weird feeling for me. i experience emotions in a very unusual way that makes me almost unable to identify them.. jeez this will be difficult to explain.
so seeing photos specially from the 80s 90s and the 2000s, makes me feel really uneasy, dizzy and nauseous. it’s like seeing a present that doesn’t exist anymore. everything has changed so much. what makes it worst is seeing some of my now deceased loved ones, and thinking they’re not here anymore. people grow up, some of them dies, others are being born, and technology progresses. that’s simply passage of time right?
everytime i see vintage photos i’m stuck in a feeling of kenopsia. everything’s gone, and it’s just a “burning memory” on those who are still alive recalling. it’s an awful nihilistic feeling.
i recently have watched a ps2 game gameplay. and it sent me into an episode. something as absurd as that. just thinking about the kids who played the game in the 2000s, and now they’re absolutely moved on. and i associate this feeling with kenopsia with this exact quote: “you can go back to the past but NO ONE is there anymore”.
this also feeds my simulation theory / existential OCD. i’ve had this feeling buildup for YEARS too. it’s not something new for me. i had it even when i didn’t had dpdr, but when i got dpdr, it started feeling x100 times more liminal and agonizing.
why does the past feel like another inexistent universe? why my memories feel unreal? heck i even doubt if they actually happened or if they just randomly appeared in my brain…
i feel like i’m stuck in a simulation.
sorry if this confused you. i can’t even understand my own feelings and why they make me feel this way. i’m just so confused on how my mind works, i hate myself. not only for this but on all aspects of life, i feel like the weird and defective one. i just get this feeling of unreality that literally has me drowning and i can’t seem to do anything about it, because no one has this, i went through multiple therapists, and when i talk about these kind of feelings, they just look at me like what 🤌🤌. why why why why whyyw hywhyw why