u/Possible-Sink7786

I’m getting married in May 2027 and my fiancée and I have decided on a small, intimate civil ceremony at a venue with a nice garden and restaurant. We’re only inviting people who are genuinely close to us and with whom we feel comfortable.

My parents are divorced and don’t speak to each other. My mother has remarried, my father has a partner, and I have a sister who lives in Australia. I basically haven’t had contact with my father’s side of the family (uncles, cousins, etc.) for over 10 years. Before that, the only times we met were for Christmas or to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday, and those gatherings always felt more like displays of economic status than real family. My cousins have had children and I was never invited to the baptisms; I may have missed one or more of my cousins’ weddings too.

On my mother’s side, I also haven’t seen my grandmother, aunt, and cousin for over 10 years. My grandmother recently passed away and I didn’t attend the funeral because: 1) we basically never kept in touch, so there was no real emotional bond, and 2) that day I had a critical problem at work and I couldn’t be absent. My aunt and cousin never contacted me after that, and I wasn’t invited to their children’s baptisms either.

When I told my father about the wedding, he congratulated me but then said the ceremony was “too intimate” and commented disparagingly that a wedding should be a gathering for all the relatives. I told him gently that I don’t have any relationship with his side of the family and I’m not interested in inviting them. Now he’s upset and holding a grudge.

I also called my mom, and she was very understanding. She told me she didn’t invite her sister and her mother to her own second wedding either because, in her opinion, you only invite people you truly care about and who genuinely care about you back. She also said that my father has had few “high points” in life, and that my wedding would be a source of pride and status for him in front of his siblings which is why he wants everyone there.

I stand by my decision: at my wedding I want only people who actually contribute to our happiness and with whom we feel safe.

I’m getting married in May 2027 and my fiancée and I have decided on a small, intimate civil ceremony at a venue with a nice garden and restaurant. We’re only inviting people who are genuinely close to us and with whom we feel comfortable.

My parents are divorced and don’t speak to each other. My mother has remarried, my father has a partner, and I have a sister who lives in Australia. I basically haven’t had contact with my father’s side of the family (uncles, cousins, etc.) for over 10 years. Before that, the only times we met were for Christmas or to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday, and those gatherings always felt more like displays of economic status than real family. My cousins have had children and I was never invited to the baptisms; I may have missed one or more of my cousins’ weddings too.

On my mother’s side, I also haven’t seen my grandmother, aunt, and cousin for over 10 years. My grandmother recently passed away and I didn’t attend the funeral because: 1) we basically never kept in touch, so there was no real emotional bond, and 2) that day I had a critical problem at work and I couldn’t be absent. My aunt and cousin never contacted me after that, and I wasn’t invited to their children’s baptisms either.

When I told my father about the wedding, he congratulated me but then said the ceremony was “too intimate” and commented disparagingly that a wedding should be a gathering for all the relatives. I told him gently that I don’t have any relationship with his side of the family and I’m not interested in inviting them. Now he’s upset and holding a grudge.

I also called my mom, and she was very understanding. She told me she didn’t invite her sister and her mother to her own second wedding either because, in her opinion, you only invite people you truly care about and who genuinely care about you back. She also said that my father has had few “high points” in life, and that my wedding would be a source of pride and status for him in front of his siblings which is why he wants everyone there.

I stand by my decision: at my wedding I want only people who actually contribute to our happiness and with whom we feel safe.