u/PoetryWestern9071

Has anyone ever realized their behaviour they consciously were ashamed about, but once integrated it, it felt self-righteous and empowering even if it was harmful?

For example, I'm an INFJ man, and I identify with Ni-Ti. My Fe and Se are largely repressed, and its hard for me to honestly engage with my extroverted feeling especially. I relate this to astrology and reference my natal chart, Aquarius sun Pisces moon both in the 8th house with a Cancer ascendent. My sun+moon combo in the 8th house, along with the moon being my chart ruler causes me to be a deeply detatched, introverted, abstract person. My Cancer ascendent, the ascendent being associated with our persona and connection rhymes with my Fe. This used to be a lot more authentic to me, but life has taught me to keep to myself and trust my own vision.

Okay, but back to the question, my Ni-Ti feels like masculine logos. Seeking truths and building my subjective interpretation of the world. My Fe-Se feels insecure and feminine, but powerful and authentic. But MBTI theory largely states that Ego should be Ni-Fe and Unconscious Ti-se, but again this is not my experience The reason I bring up astrology is because it could explain that I am actually existing in an unbalanced, somewhat neurotic state.