ENFP with crush on ISTP... in serious need of help with inconsistency in casual situation
Hey so I need help with how to navigate this situation. I am obsessed and tortured by the breadcrumbs this ISTP Leo is giving me but can't seem to detach. Please excuse this long post but I would prefer to give all the context.
I work parttime for an events company bartending and I have a crush on my occasional coworker. So we met about a year ago. I was in a serious relationship and didn't really notice him at first. Its an intermittent job so we have worked together maybe five times total. He's very charming and the life of the party at work but I could tell he was an introvert, and uses drugs/alcohol to be on. The second time we worked together I got the sense that he noticed me, he texted me after as well and asked for my instagram and added me. The third time we all got really drunk/stoned working at this very long event. He asked to go for a walk with me later in the evening and gave me a lingering hug. Then after our walk he kept saying (drunkenly) things like "I'm in love" to the group and being really obvious/silly about it. I ignored it and didn't quite get all the language/cultural nuance because I am a Canadian in a Mexican environment. He basically tackled me when I said goodbye. I was still in the relationship so tried to brush it off. I was secretly turned on, and this was when I started to develop an attraction for him because we have real chemistry. The next few times we worked together I kept my distance because of the relationship. He did make me a perfect joint out of an orange skin which I thought was cute and unusual.
Fast-forward to: I broke it off with my 11 year boyfriend who was abusive emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically. (It's been two months now since I succeeded in leaving him). About a week after I left my ex, I wasn't thinking about this bartender guy at all. Impulsively though, at the end of the night I was out with a friend, wanted weed, and thought of him so I texted. He told me to come to his friends bar, which I did, but I left quickly because it was a little sketchy and I was drunk. When I got back to the hostel where I was staying I texted "I'm stoned and horny now" and then fell asleep. I woke up to a million messages and a dick pic. I thought it was cringe but when I opened the messages and read them I was attracted. I really like the way he texts and speaks... and the whole package. I responded with an Omg and he pivoted to asking how I was etc.
Anyway.. I'll try to speed this up. I invited him over later in the week... he was working late he said he'd come over the next day but then ended up being too hungover but we texted and talked on the phone all day. I got really addicted then because we spoke on the phone for hours and he was a great listener and very cute. He never explicitly told me he wasn't coming over, but kind of kept me on the hook all day. I should add that he is a big partier and does drugs and drinks a lot so he is very crazy and inconsistent with everyone, as far as I know. I thought he would work for a casual thing, because of the sexual chemistry, but he proved inconsistent the following weekend as well. He asked me to hang out Friday, but I had plans, then we said we'd see each other the next day. He didn't text until Sunday and told me that he had had to work. Finally the following week he came over late at night after work and we slept together. It was so good and he texted me a bunch after saying how great it was and he wants to see me again, but I went away for a few weeks. He consistently messaged and communicated online during that time. He asked me if I was back, but didn't make plans. So midweek when I was back, I asked him if he wanted to hang out Friday and it was a, maybe I have to work type thing. He then pivoted to asking me more questions about how I was doing/what I'm up to. He didn't text until Sunday and said he had to work with a crying face, no apology. I didn't respond. At that point I thought it should be over. I was sick of it. That was last weekend.
But he consistently likes and comments on my stories, and this Friday he texted me just wanting to make conversation, asking questions about me, but telling me he had to work all weekend. His tone since I've been back has been less flirty and more interested in my life. I think he was always in part interested because I am artist and I have a lot of things going on (exhibition, book being published), which I have read an ISTP values. But he does not seem bothered or urgent about seeing me. I think most logical people would interpret his behavior like he is just trying to keep me around in case he feels like seeing me, but maybe there is a nicer, ISTP explanation? He is definitely an avoidant-dismissive. He has said he doesn't do relationships, for what? because everyone just thinks about themselves.
What I want out of it is not a relationship but a friendship/casual sex thing. I am not needy and after being in a controlling dynamic, his independence attracts me a lot. But I do require a little more consistency, and to see someone who I can be sure actually likes me.
I am thinking though, I should let it go totally because his intermittent attention has really got me hooked. I can't stop thinking about him, it's a compulsion. Help! Can someone please explain his behavior? Why does he want to text me all the time, but doesn't make plans? Does he like me, does it matter? What should I do?