Tenured English prof, 30+ years in publishing, and one difficult colleague just made me feel like a complete fraud. Anyone else been here?
I've been an English professor for 25 years and have worked in publishing for over 30. In the 90s I ran a small press. A few years ago I started a new one as a hobby/passion project. I love it.
For about four years, I've been collaborating with a former colleague (someone I've known for 20+ years) producing and publishing chapbooks for poets she recruits. Honestly, it's been more complicated than it needed to be, but I hung in there.
Recently, a different former colleague approached me about publishing an anthology under my press. He knows a lot of writers, including some pros. He asked for my input and specifically asked me to assist him, which I took as a genuine vote of confidence. I was excited.
Then the first colleague found out. She created drama among the writers involved and essentially told people I wasn't qualified to have any editorial role in the project. Keep in mind: I have an MFA in Creative Writing, have taught literature and writing for decades, and have been in and around publishing my entire career.
Here's the twist: I had already decided I was going to stop working with her after our current project wraps up in a few weeks. She's been a drama magnet for years, always turning simple tasks into crises. But before I could say anything, she emailed me: "Our collaborations are done. We are done."
I'm mostly relieved, honestly. But I'm also weirdly stung. I feel like I got broken up with before I could do the breaking up, which is almost funny, except I can't stop ruminating about the part where she questioned my competence to people I want to work with in the future.
My press is still small and building its reputation. I'm genuinely worried she's going to quietly smear it to writers in the community. Are those fears realistic? Has anyone dealt with a situation where one bitter person had the potential to damage your reputation with a network you care about?
And more importantly, why has this shaken my confidence so much? I know I'm qualified. I know her motivations are probably more about ego or jealousy than reality. So why does it feel like her voice in my head is louder than 30 years of experience?