Part that wants to put myself first/part that wants to be selfish
The title conveys the inner polarization lol.
I've got a part that's very insistent that I listen to it about what I need and put myself first. Stop "powering through" tasks and stop doing things for others that don't feel good or aligned with myself.
I've got another part that's just like "sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do!" It sees this first part as unreasonable and selfish.
Right now the big conflict is over going to a family graduation this weekend. I actually want to go to the graduation itself but it will require a ton of time with my family, who I love but am easily dysregulated by. (They have no idea I get dysregulated around them, we never talk about this stuff.) The "self-protective"/"selfish" part says I should pretend I'm sick. The "self-abandoning"/"responsible" part says it's not going to be that bad, my family is loving and kind albeit dysregulating and sometimes you need to just tough things out. But that feels like abandoning the first part.
I've been miserable all day and unable to get any work done because I'm so stressed about this weekend. :(