Am I the problem?
My boyfriend (24M) and me (26F) have been dating around 6 months now. I enjoy our relationship and the way he has opened up to me. He is very caring and attentive. He always makes sure I am safe, my car is good, he opens the door for me everywhere, covers the bill, takes me out on dates, etc. So many things to be grateful for.
However there has always been this disconnect in terms of our attachment styles. It just feels like he is a little more dependent than I am used to. He often asks me for reassurance, has questions about my past relationships, wants to hear that he is the best in all the aspects, that type of stuff.
He is also more jealous than I am. He makes these passive-aggressive jokes A LOT, like I would say something neutral about an old friend and he would say “well, maybe you should go date him then” or “but you still have more fun with me, right?”, making things I tell him about an opportunity to fish for compliments/ reassurance and just, what seem like, make it about himself. He also doesn’t like me texting my male colleagues, he mentioned something about being too friendly over text, when I know there is absolutely nothing inappropriate going on there.
I am growing to be tired of it. It feels like If I do not cater to his needs and am not constantly aware of what might make him insecure— we will inevitably have an argument. He always gets upset when I forget to update him on where I go and if I take too long to reply. If we don’t talk enough— he assumes I am ignoring him.
I don’t mind a man being dominant in a relationship, and I appreciate him making sure I am safe, but this feels more like insecure/ controlling at times.
He has had a rough upbringing and I understand where his dependency/ insecurity might stem from. But it still annoys me and makes me feel uncomfortable, constantly having to reassure him and walk on eggshells. Being anxious about mentioning my past, even my old work. I am tired.
But also ik I am not perfect either. I just don’t know if I should be more considerate of his feelings, more attentive to his needs. There are so many ways he shows up for me so it feels like I should reciprocate and help meet his needs in the ways he wants me to.
Yet, tbh, the thought of having to deal with this for the rest of my life ( I am dating marry at this point) is making me miserable.
Some words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thank you