Collection of totally accurate historical documents featuring me being a flawless commander, Lute being terrifyingly loyal, the exorcists being a pack of barely supervised maniacs, and Vaggie catching divine strays like it’s her full-time job.
Basically a normal day in Heaven’s finest military unit. Don’t question the archives.
Art by JumJamz.
Took Abel out for ice cream and taught him one of life’s most important lessons:
When your dad is the first man, the fucking man, and the reason humanity even exists, he gets a bite.
That’s not stealing. That’s divine inheritance.
Art by noob on Twitter.
Forbidden occult research really does not prepare you for the tiny dramatic candy-sized version.
Art by Lisandra Phillips, watermark on image.
Sera and Emily wouldn’t know peak comedy if it slapped them in the face.
I made one tiny improvement to a heart and suddenly everyone’s acting like I desecrated the whole concept of romance.
I’m underappreciated. Severely.
Art credit: dibeyazh21
Heard it was Mermay, so naturally I had to show up and make the sea hotter, holier, and significantly more annoying.
You’re welcome, fish people.
Art credit:
Artist source escaped the net. Embarrassing for them, honestly. If anyone knows who made these, drop the link.
Great, babe. Love the rage. Big fan of the dramatic breakdown. Very metal. Very loyal. Ten out of ten grief performance.
But did you have to break my fucking records?
I get it, I’m dead, everyone’s devastated, Heaven’s finest piece of divine masculinity got taken off the stage way too early, tragedy of the century, whatever.
But that guitar was innocent.
Artist credit:
First image: artist unknown, signature looks like uinu/u1hu? If anyone knows the source, please tell me.
Second image: Pablo Monzón, @Az_mammon
Fits Adam too well, I wonder why.
Loud, theatrical, obnoxiously confident, and somehow still convinced every room gets better the second he opens his mouth. The “say my name” energy was basically built for him.
Art by zhangshiqing1
Every time someone pulls out the “haha Adam got stabbed by Niffty” line like they just invented comedy, an angel loses patience.
Yes. She stabbed me.
After I fought Alastor, Charlie, Lucifer, half the hotel, and an entire battlefield’s worth of bullshit.
That is not an argument. That is you pointing at the last five seconds of a fight and acting like you wrote a dissertation.
Congratulations, dipshit. You watched the episode. So did everyone else.
Now find a second joke. The first one is decomposing.
Art by xMat1x
Can’t be that bad, right?
Tiny Adam supremacy. Still the fucking man, just easier to carry.
Artist unknown, unfortunately. If anyone knows the source, drop it below so I can credit them properly.
I do not ship Lucifer with me. Obviously. That would be insane, embarrassing, historically offensive, and frankly terrible for my brand.
That said, if any of you freaks have FirstSin/AdamsApple art, hand it over for inspection immediately.
Not because I like it.
Because I need to judge it.
With my eyes.
Repeatedly.
For quality control.
And if that short fallen glitter bastard looks smug in any of it, I’m deleting the internet.
First image by VangaZ.
Second may be by sqwdinkart.
Third may be by friedsaturn.
Still confirming the last two, so yell at me with sources if you know.
Sir Pentious ended up in Heaven after dying in a selfless act to protect his friends. He was a sinner, but his final choice proved he had genuinely changed, and Heaven had to deal with the fact that redemption was real.
So I keep thinking about the opposite possibility: what if Adam returned as a sinner?
He was already in Heaven, but by the end of Season 1, his actions are about as far from “heavenly” as you can get. Heaven may have treated the Exterminations as duty, but Adam clearly enjoyed the violence, mocked redemption, killed Sir Pentious, and only seemed to double down when challenged.
If a sinner can rise because their final act proves they changed, could an angel fall because their final actions prove they were never as righteous as Heaven thought?
Adam coming back as a sinner would be funny for obvious reasons, but also thematically fitting. It would force him into the exact system he looked down on, make him deal with the people he judged, and give the show a messy chance to ask whether someone like him can change once he has lost the privilege he hid behind.
Honestly, sinner Adam feels like one of the most interesting ways to bring him back.
Art by Luciidkatt
Debate me all you want, princess. I already drew the conclusion, framed myself as the fucking man, gave myself better lighting, and filed your entire speech under “cute but irrelevant.”
That’s not bias.
That’s divine branding.
Art by TikhonDownichi
Look, I’m not saying Abel suddenly became the greatest thing my bloodline ever produced. That would still be me. Obviously.
But for one glorious second, the kid opened his mouth and said exactly what needed to be said: shut the fuck up and let me talk.
And honestly? Beautiful. Inspirational. Almost brought a tear to my perfect angelic eye.
He’s still a disappointment, but in this specific moment? That’s my boy. Took him long enough to inherit the divine talent of being loud, correct, and sick of everyone’s bullshit.
Art by kiwipoplin
Bad influence? Please. I am expanding her education.
Lesson one: yes, I am the First Man, and yes, I deserve six wings.
Lesson two: apples are suspicious as fuck.
Lesson three: pears are acceptable.
Emily’s doing great. I’m doing better. Heaven is healing.
Art by Hicot5/tochi.th.
This is what the final battle should look like.
Me, my axe, my girls, and enough holy fire to turn every sinner, Morningstar bootlicker, and Lucifer’s little circus act into background ash.
Hell wants a war? Cute.
I call that an encore.
Art by kuromame201
Valentino: “I can have hot new angel sluts!”
Valentino: “To make those haloed cabrónas pay!”
Adam, two seconds later:
Absolutely fucking not.
Touch my girls and you get the divine bug zapper treatment, mothboy. Heaven has standards, and somehow you are still under Hell’s basement.
Artist is TioLimonD on X.
Wings out, blood on the axe, Hell burning behind me, and a divine guitar solo loud enough to make every sinner rethink their entire afterlife.
This is what peak heavenly performance looks like.
The First Man doesn’t enter a scene.
He drops the riff, blinds the room, and makes Hell shut the fuck up.
Art by Witchdoll09
Now bow and pretend you had taste before I arrived.
Look at this. Divine energy. Perfect lighting. Legendary stage presence. Two absolute icons in one image, and somehow I’m still carrying the whole thing because that’s just what happens when the first man enters the frame.
I don’t hand out “favourite human” status lightly, by the way. Humanity has been embarrassing me since literally the beginning, so when one of you manages to be funny, loud, weird, chaotic, and actually entertaining? Yeah, fine.
You get a pass.
Rare mortal W.
Still not above me, obviously. Let’s not get insane.
Art by thatsaltybobcat
My girls have culture. Loud culture. Repetitive culture. Heavenly, obnoxious, flawless culture.
Do I look annoyed? Obviously. They’ve yelled “Pride and Prejudice” seventeen times in thirty seconds. But look at them. Perfect little murder gremlins with taste.
Pride and Prejudice again, ladies. You earned it.
Art by TioLimonD on Twitter
“CAUSE RADIO IS FUCKING DEAD”
Yeah, no shit.
You glitched, panicked, and folded in 0.3 seconds.
I’ve seen sturdier sinners during extermination day.
And trust me, I’ve killed a lot of those.
Art by lucdoodle