Just a dump of my thoughts
(Originally written in Russian, translated to English to follow subreddit rules.)
This is more like an emotional dump. I’m not trying to get pity or anything like that. Maybe someone will see themselves in this.
I actually like programming. I enjoy learning new things, understanding how stuff works, building something on my own. But at the same time, I constantly feel tired.
I think it’s mostly because of this constant feeling of guilt — like I “wasted” the day. Instead of doing something useful, like solving problems on LeetCode or working on my project, I end up doing nothing important. And then I feel bad about it.
I’m also tired of all those “this video will change your life” or “watch this and stop procrastinating” videos. Most of them feel like empty content made just for views. Maybe they work for some people, but not for me.
What really annoys me is the feeling that everyone else is doing better than me. I know logically it’s not true — people struggle too. But it still feels like I’m the only one stuck.
I get these bursts of motivation where I start doing something, and it feels great. But as soon as it gets hard, or I lose focus, I just stop. Then I come back later, and the cycle repeats.
To be fair, I did finish my first project (a schedule automation tool), so I know I can do things. But it still feels like it’s not enough.
I’m honestly tired of constantly overanalyzing myself, trying to “fix” my behavior, and then falling back into the same pattern again.
Maybe something is wrong with me, maybe not. I don’t know anymore.
If you read this and feel the same — It's sad. This state really sucks, and I hope you’ll get out of it.
P.S. The text was posted in another community and was removed by the moderators. There was a comment about ADHD, so I'm posting the text here.